Faith, Faithful, Faithfulness...

Yesterday was a very tough day for me. It surprised me at how deep I was feeling the loss of Jay because it was his birthday and he wasn't here to celebrate it with me. I cried probably more than I have cried to this date. I believe that it is the Lord allowing the anesthetic to wear off a little bit more. I can feel it so intensely now.

I kept myself busy all day with planning my birthday party (which is this Friday), choir rehearsal, and then a special church service with Steven Curtis Chapman. The Lord was so faithful to show Himself to me all day long through His people who showered me with my Father's love. There is nothing like being in the center of the Lord's love. There really is special favor for widows, just as it is written in the Word of God.

And "faithful" was the word that kept getting whispered to my heart all day long. The Lord kept saying, "Watch and see how faithful I am to you, Jamie." Every moment that I was having a big struggle, He would send someone my way with a word, a hug; people just ready to encourage me to push beyond that moment.

And at the concert at church, Steven Curtis Chapman shared his testimony of losing his 5 year old daughter, and he spoke of the Lord's faithfulness to meet him where he was at in his grieving process. As he sang a song from his new CD...the song's title..."Faithful"...I began to reflect on the Lord's faithfulness to me throughout my grieving process as well. He has been with me every step of the way; even when I can't see Him or feel Him, I know He is with me. It was wonderful to rest my head on the pillow last night having that assurance from Him spoken straight to my heart.

And then this morning, as I was getting ready for work, I was in my bathroom listening to Steven's CD and that song, Faithful, was playing, and then I heard this loud crash in the kitchen so I went to check it out and I found a plate that I display in my garden window had fallen down...the plate says, "FAITH." Now I don't want to ascribe too much to this like "messages from beyond"; there is probably an explanation for why it fell off of its little rack, but I just found it interesting the word that is written on that plate.

So, I choose to allow that to be a little reminder for me that I have a part to play in this process too. I must hold onto my FAITH that the Lord is ever present, that He loves me beyond measure, and He carries my burdens with me. If I am faithful to give my circumstances to Him in prayer, He is faithful to see me through to the other side...but not just for the sake of getting me through it, but making me a better and stronger Christian so for the next set of trials, whatever they may be...and there WILL BE more trials...I will be able to reflect on this time and know in my heart of hearts that GOD...IS...FAITHFUL.


Father, GREAT is Thy faithfulness. I praise Your Holy name for taking the time to show me who You really are. You are REAL. I feel You. I sense Your nearness. Forgive me for not always crying out to You in my darkness; but thank You for being faithful to shine Your light on that darkness so that I may gain new perspective...YOUR perspective. I praise You for filling me afresh with Your Holy Spirit. I proclaim Your goodness and mercy! In Your precious Son's name. Amen.