Dreaming of Life, In Color

Growing up, it used to be that I would have vivid dreams, but they would all be in black and white and some varying shades of gray with nameless, faceless people.  But now....oh now, the Lord has given me the ability to dream in COLOR!  Not only that...I'm living this life in color.  Everything seems brighter, with the most vibrant colors.  I see everything so differently now.  All praise and glory to the Lord who loves me so! 

Is it a dark time for us?  Yes!  But, praise the Lord that He has taken what the enemy intended for bad and He's shedding His Light and teaching me to look for the good...in literally everything...and yes, that even means finding the positive in cancer.  My walk is closer with the Lord and my love grows deeper for my husband with each new day, and I owe that to cancer!   

I have been taking a painting class because I needed a creative outlet, something to do with my anxious energy and, in this class, I've been learning how to look at the different shades of every color imaginable and how every shade, when applied one at a time and layered, gives an object its depth.  

This can be applied to our faith in God.  My walk and the many trials I have faced and each lesson I have learned thus far, when layered one on top of the other, give my faith its depth.  It is the Lord who desires to show us a life in color...a life with varying shades, and a depth that only comes from a growing knowledge of Him. We just need to open our hearts to receive this gift from Him.

This life would be a total mystery to me without God's "road map" which is provided in His word. The Lord requires us to live according to His purposes on earth so that we may have His glorious riches in heaven.  Imagine how truly lost we would be if we didn't have the Living Word, overflowing with His loving promises and guided path for us to follow.  What a scary world it would be, one that I would not want to live in at all! 

Find your purpose...listen for the Lord's calling on your life.  Find your strength in Him, apply His teachings, and do something with it.  We can all have the 'fullness of God.'  We have only to seek it. 

My purpose?  To be the best wife I can be to my honey who is so brave and strong and who is the love of my life and, hopefully, my eternity, to be a good kid to my parents and my beautiful Grandma, to be a strong and loving example to my niece who is a true survivor, to be a source of love and support to my friends, and the most important of all, to leave a legacy of love - the love of the Lord, our Creator.

"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:16-21 NIV) 

 

Living Strong In Him

"God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved." (Psalm 46:5 NASB)

This is the verse the Lord gave me the day of Jay's surgery last year when I first found that he had cancer.  I will never forget that day as long as I live.  I can still picture it, as though it happened just yesterday. 

As soon as the surgeon sat down next to me in the waiting room, I knew something was up.  I listened to him tell me that Jay was still in the operating room and that he had found a mass...and he held his hands like he was making the shape of an orange, as if to tell me the size of what he had found.  And then he said the words that I cannot erase from my mind because it has been burned to my memory, "It's a tumor.  Mrs. Hare, Jay has cancer."  What he said after that point, I have absolutely no idea because the entire world went completely silent. I just saw his lips moving, but nothing coming out.  

Then came the breakdown...but, as quickly as the breakdown came, it went.  I sought out the comfort of the words in my bible.  After all, it is the 'LIVING Word.'  I just opened the pages up, not looking for any scripture in particular, and the page I opened up to was Psalm 46:5, "God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved."  Well, praise the Lord for that!!!  It was exactly what I needed in that very moment.

The Lord absolutely meets us where we are at.  There is nothing greater than the feeling of knowing that the Lord loves us so much that no matter where we are at, whether walking strong, or in a weak existence, or no walk at all...He will meet us right there!

So, that verse gave me the strength then, and gives me the strength today to persevere. 

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your endless and unfailing love for me, and all of those who choose to believe.  I pray for Your continued strength, peace, and discernment.  I am in complete AWE of You and the power that You pour out.  In the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.  

 

 

Total Surrender

"Bring me anything that brings You glory," is what the song by Mercy Me says.  Amen to that!

There are few, if any, who would say without hesitation, "Lord, I surrender everything to You," but not only that, "Lord, I'm asking You to bring trials so that I may demonstrate my whole hearted surrender."  I know I wouldn't be that person!  But, what I can and will say is, "Thank You, Lord, for this trial that is teaching me to walk more closely with You."  The Lord has been faithful to walk with me throughout this, and all other trials which makes it so much easier to surrender with my whole heart.

"May the LORD our God be with us, as He was with our fathers. May He not leave us nor forsake us, that He may incline our hearts to Himself, to walk in all His ways, and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments, which He commanded our fathers. And may these words of mine, with which I have made supplication before the LORD, be near the LORD our God day and night, that He may maintain the cause of His servant and the cause of His people Israel, as each day may require, that all the peoples of the earth may know that the LORD is God; there is no other. Let your heart therefore be loyal to the LORD our God, to walk in His statutes and keep His commandments, as at this day." (1 Kings 8:57-61 NKJV)

The Lord calls us to surrender everything to Him.  What do you do to allow yourself to be ushered into the presence of the Lord so that a whole hearted surrender can take place?  For me, it is worship music.  Music is what speaks to my heart instantly and it is only a matter of seconds before I am in the presence of the Lord, praising Him with hands held high no matter my present circumstances.

Meditate on the words to this song:

Bring The Rain by Mercy Me

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It’s never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on You oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy

Bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there’ll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that’s what it takes to praise You

Jesus bring the rain

 

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what’s a little rain

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there’ll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that’s what it takes to praise You

Jesus bring the rain

Holy, Holy, Holy

Is the Lord God Almighty

 

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So, it may seem or even feel sometimes as though there is a rain that won't stop pouring down on me or a darkness that will not give way to light, but through worship music I find a way to praise the Lord in this storm, and He is glorified and in turn, I am blessed beyond measure. 

Jesus, bring the rain...

All My Praise

"My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped. I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer.  Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes." (Psalm 17:5-7 NIV)

The picture that I picked for today's journal entry fits so perfectly with how I feel.  When I look at the picture, I see Jesus leading the way and leaving His footprints for me in the sand.  Yes, much like the famous story of "Footprints" where there is one set of prints in the sand and the man asked, "Where were you, Lord?" and the Lord replied, "There was only one set of footprints because it was then that I carried you." 

Today, the Lord carries me.  Well, everyday the Lord carries me, but specifically today, I rely on Him to carry me.  Jay had a doctor appointment this morning and he looks good, he has gained a couple more pounds, and all the blood levels look really good...except one.  His liver enzyme levels are elevated, not too high, but enough for the doctor to tell us that he's 'not taking a chance' and he increased Jay's dosage of chemo drugs. 

It is now that I rely on the Lord to carry me through to the next appointment and pray the enzyme level does not continue to increase.  I can hear the enemy whispering in my ear, but I am choosing to allow the Lord to deal with that loser. 

My Lord can do amazing and wonderful things and I know that if it is His will, my husband will be cured of this disease.  I trust that He knows what He's doing and it is in HIS footsteps that I will follow.  Praise the Lord that He is strong enough to carry all of those who believe on His glorious shoulders.

Just as the enemy is trying to distract my focus, I am reminded that all I need to do is worship and praise the Lord and He will protect me from the enemy's evil ways.  Listening to worship music is one of the ways that I have found works best for blocking out the lies of Satan.  I envision my heart being filled to overflowing with the Lord's love, so much so that the enemy is drowned completely out.  Oh I love that! 

There is a song by Selah that is simple in it's message, but very powerful.  I have attached the words to this song.  If you have a chance, go to www.selahonline.com and listen to the song and let the words just resonate in your heart. 

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All My Praise
Word and music by Audrey Hatcher

I will follow You through green pastures
And sing hallelujah to Your Name
I will follow You through dark disaster
And sing hallelujah through the pain

And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You are seated on Your throne in heaven
And You see all of us down here
And You have promised You will not abandon
So I shall not fear

And even in the shadow of death
I will praise You
And even in the valley I will say

Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise
Holy, my God
You are worthy of all my praise

You made every star
And You taught it how to shine
You knew my name before there was time
And all this was just part of Your glorious design
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

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Heavenly Father, I praise You in all circumstances, good and bad.  I will follow as You lead.  Make Your ways mine. May Your will be done.  Amen

 

Drawing Near

"Submit therefore to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." (James 4:7-8a)

Jay and I are about to see his oncologist in the morning.  It's just a regular check up, but then again, what's a 'regular check up' anymore?  No matter what happens to Jay from here on out, I will always feel a bit nervous before any of his appointments.  I'm sure he's feeling the same way. 

Once someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, nothing is ever the same.  It's not like you can just sit back and say, "Oh, there's nothing to worry about."  When cancer enters the picture, it consumes the life of the patient, as well as that of the spouse.  But, you can choose to live one minute at a time and pray that you can go at least one or two minutes without thinking about cancer or something related.

I can say that I think about Jay's cancer a lot.  But, as I draw near to the Lord, He is faithful to help me not be fearful.  I am scared, but I am not FULL OF FEAR as the word 'fearful' indicates.  I trust the Lord with Jay's illness, and the only 'fear' I feel now is that of REVERENCE for God and His mighty powers.  Praise the Lord that He is at work in my husband's life, as well as mine, through this cancer.

So, when I get scared, I draw closer to God and hand over that nauseus feeling in my stomach, the questions of "What if?" and the lies that the enemy is whispering in my ear and I say to the Lord, "Take these that I give to you and work it out for your glory!"  And he is so faithful to do just that.  And each time that I take them back, He is faithful to receive them back from me again, and again, and again.  Our God is so good!

So, as I said, we are seeing the oncologist tomorrow morning and we will be reviewing Jay's progress thus far with the chemo and radiation treatments.  We will also get the results of blood tests to make sure that his levels are all where they should be.  I ask my Christian Family to be in prayer for this appointment and for the test results, as well as for continued comfort and relief from minor side effects.  I thank you for your faithfulness to pray for my honey.

 

 

 

 

 

Faithfulness

"He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much." (Luke 16:10 NASB)

 

I've been learning to pay attention to the smaller details of life lately, because the Lord is showing me that it is in the smaller things that you learn the most about being obedient to Him. 

 

Now, this may be a stretch for some, but just hang in there with me... 

 

Everyone shops at the grocery store, but how many times have you seen people just leave their carts right where their car is and not walk it back to the cart keeper?  Even if the cart keeper is one parking space away!  Well, I don't know about you, but I've been guilty of it.  By taking that extra step and putting the cart away where it belongs, is it possible that it is a form of obedience to the Lord? 

 

Or how about this...upon getting your groceries home and checking the receipt, you see that you were not charged for one of the items.  Do you go back to the store and bring it to their attention and make them charge you for it?  If you're saying to yourself, "Well, it depends on how much that item costs, or more boldly, just answer the question with a resounding 'No,' you are not being faithful to the Lord.  He tells us that if we are faithful in the little things, we can be trusted with the bigger things in life, and on the flip side, if we cannot be trusted in the small stuff, He knows not to trust us in the big. 

 

My awareness of these 'minor' matters has been brought to the forefront of my mind, and even more so, the Holy Spirit has put conviction on my heart for these little inconveniences and many more just like them.  But, I have found a way that I can honor the Lord by taking that extra step in the name of Jesus Christ. 

 

My friend and I have joked around about paying attention to our surroundings.  I never used to stop and increase my awareness of the happenings around me, but she pointed out to me that if I just took the time to look around at things and people, and really listen to sounds and noises that I would become more keenly aware of everything.  And you know what? It is absolutely true!  But, it's not in just the physical or tangible.  This process of awareness has effected my spiritual life as well.  I am taking the time to apply my keen sense of awareness to differentiate between what is right according to human standards and what is right according to the standards set by the Lord. 

 

I know that I will never meet the Lord's standards, but what I can do is hold myself accountable to do more than just what is accepted by the world, or even allowable by the standards of other Christians.  I will not live my life as if I were living in the world again, and just the same, I cannot set my standards based on what my brothers and sisters in Christ deem as acceptable for themselves.  Instead, I need to set the bar higher than that when I receive the conviction of the Holy Spirit and I know in my heart that the Lord can be glorified on a deeper level. 

 

I am amazed at how faithful the Lord is to bless me when I am obedient to Him by persevering through the tedious little things in life in order to honor Him. 

 

I invite you to find your own awareness level.  It will be a challenge, no doubt, and it will stretch you in your walk , but in your obedience, the Lord will bless you abundantly.

 

To my friend who has taught me to be aware, thank you for following the Lord's leading to share such a valuable lesson with me.  My life has been changed.  I pray that the Lord continues to use you as a vessel to stretch and mold me into the Christian that He wants me to be.  I love you very much for your faithfulness.

 

I'm off to do the dreaded laundry...but, as unto the Lord!  :0)

Pressing On

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:14 NIV)

My walk with the Lord is not perfect by any means, but I do try to keep in mind that if I just stay the course, repenting of my wrong doings and moving forward...pressing on...I will someday receive my heavenly reward. 

There are some days when I truly feel homesick for heaven.  I desire to see what the Lord has in store for me there.  If I listen to the enemy, he tells me that I am unworthy of anything at all and that I deserve to burn in hell.  Well, part of that which he tells me is true...I am completely unworthy of anything the Lord has waiting for me, but by His grace, I will receive a reward.  All praise and glory to Him who loves me!

My longing to see Jesus face to face seems unbearable at times.  I feel ready to leave this world behind and never have another dark day.  Wouldn't that be great?!  I imagine that the sun would shine brighter, the colors would be more vibrant than I could dream of, the feeling of love greater than I've ever felt, and there before me stands my Savior Jesus Christ.  Of course, I would have to fall on my face before Him and kiss the feet of the One who died for me and made it possible for me to be there in the first place!  And my greatest desire would be to hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21 NIV)

I remember my pastor giving a message one time and he referred to another pastor as having said when asked about maintaining the longevity of his marriage, "Just stay the course."  Meaning that, no matter the circumstance, no matter how rough it gets sometimes, just hang in there and and press on.  Well, that is exactly true in our faith.  No matter the circumstance, no matter how rough it gets and how persecuted we feel, have faith, hold fast and press on.  Allow the Lord to  turn those things that the enemy intends for bad into something that He can be glorified by. (Romans 8:28)

Last night, Jay and I had dinner with some friends that I used to work with.  During dinner, I had this sudden burst of gratefulness wash over me as I watched my honey conversing and laughing with the group.  In his present circumstances, with daily chemo and radiation treatments, he could very well be at home suffering from side effects, but he isn't!  He is able to do the things that he would normally do and for anyone to look at him, they couldn't say that he looks like a cancer patient.  The enemy would have him surrendered and on death's door if he could, but the mercy and grace of my Father is extended to Jay and he is well and able to live his life in spite of this disease.  I praise Him for that.

Stay the course, I will.  In bad times, I will press on because my reward is waiting for me at the finish line and I am eager to be a faithful servant  that finishes this race.