This whole miracle thing has had me befuddled, bewildered, and just plain confused...
Let me explain a little better...Jay's scan came back clean. The miracle carries on! Praise the Lord. And this entire time of Jay's recovery, (and let's face it...mine too.) I have been in awe of what God has chosen to do for us...give us a cure...give us a break...give us LIFE! Throughout the nine weeks since Jay's surgery, I have asked the Lord, "Why would you give us this miracle?" Yes, I'm sure it's crazy to ask the Lord a "why" question when He has given me a gift from His heart. But, actually, I'm not crazy at all. Yesterday, the answer was made very clear to me in a message given by one of the pastors at my church.
He spoke of Thomas, of "Doubting Thomas" fame, and how Thomas got his name. Thomas was not afraid to ask the silly, trivial, or even dumb questions. He was not prideful and afraid of looking stupid. He was dedicated to the calling of Jesus. He was willing to follow Jesus wherever He went in order to proclaim Him as the Messiah. Thomas was willing to die for his savior. When the disciples couldn't make sense of anything and they were too afraid to ask the necessary questions, Thomas was not afraid to step up and say that he was confused.
Jesus was crucified on the cross and His body was finally laid to rest in the tomb and the disciples were to try and carry on without their Leader. The disciples were assembled one day and Jesus appeared to them...all except Thomas. When the disciples told Thomas about Jesus appearing to them, he was reluctant to believe. Thomas said, "Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe." (Luke 20:25b) Thomas could just not wrap his head around what Jesus had done and that He would be resurrected.
Eight days later, Jesus appeared to the disciples again and this time, Thomas was there! Jesus went to Thomas and said, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe." And then Thomas said, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (Luke 20:27-29)
Thomas' eyes were suddenly opened to see that Jesus was standing before him. He was able to touch the wounds that Jesus received on his behalf...on all of our behalf! But my pastor said something so poignant that really pierced my heart...he said, "It was not Thomas touching Jesus' wounds that made Him see that it was the Lord standing before him, but rather, it was Jesus' wounds touching Thomas that opened his eyes and made him believe." Again, Thomas couldn't wrap his head around it until the wounds of Jesus touched Him.
This is what Jesus has done for me! It is through the wounds and shed blood of Jesus Christ that I can have this miracle of my husband's cancer being gone...of a life together. This miracle was for me, not just for Jay, but for ME! I'm the skeptical one...I'm the one who couldn't wrap my head around it...but Jesus' wounds have touched me...and continue to touch me so that I might believe with my whole heart that He died just so that I could receive this gift of life.
Thank you, my Jesus...my Savior...my Lord...my God! I love you.
