Thursday, February 28, 2008

Feeling Thankful

Hello Family and Friends,

I'm not really sure what has triggered this particular emotion, but today I am feeling very thankful.  Thankful for my husband and the fact that I still have him with me.  Thankful for my friend Karen and all my friends who make me smile and bring me such joy.  And thankful for family who support me and Jay unconditionally.  Just thankful...

This morning Jay had a PET/CT scan.  The first one since finding out that the one big tumor that was in his belly in August isn't there anymore.  I am eager...and hopeful...and a little scared to know the results from today.  I want the cancer to be gone so badly.  The great thing is, we will go to City of Hope on Tuesday and have them review the results and give them to us.  We will see what happens.

Jay is officially on a break from chemotherapy for a few months.  If surgery is an option at all and City of Hope wants to perform it, Jay has to be completely off of chemo for at least four weeks.  So far he has been off for two weeks, so this was a good time to take a break.  His body really needs to recover from the side effects.  Jay was so relieved to know that he will have a few months of not having to be injected every other week and not having to take seven chemo pills a day.  It made me happy to see him so relieved.  He really needed that.  And while it still makes me a little nervous that he is not taking the chemo, I am trusting that the Lord will take care of him.  Either way, it's out of my hands.  I just wait...pray...and deal.

As for me...I have Spring fever!!  It is so gorgeous outside today and I am stuck in an office.  I want to go out and play and have fun!  It is difficult to concentrate when I know that Jay is at home tinkering in the garage or off taking TJ for a run in the park.  I want to be there.  But, alas, I cannot.  Total bummer.

I don't care about anything but having more time with my honey.  That's all that matters to me.

Love to all.  Pray for Jay...please.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Enjoying a Quiet Sunday

I want to apologize to everyone who has been asking me for a new entry in my blog.  I can’t explain it, but time seems to just get away from me and the next thing I know, a few weeks have gone by without an entry. 

So the past couple of weeks have been filled by life transforming us.  A few weeks ago, we were being led down the path of life without hope and now we’ve been given permission to live again with our new prognosis gifted to us by our second doctor, but even more important than that…the Lord has given us a miracle.  Jay and I have slowly been allowing ourselves to die and now we are feeling alive again.  And I know that this may not last forever, but I sure am happy that we have more time than we thought.  There is nothing greater than the gift of time.

Anyway, Jay has a PET/CT scan at the end of this month and once we have that information, we are ready to ship our files to City of Hope for review.  I’m not sure when we will actually get to meet a doctor, but I am looking forward to that process.  I’m sure that Jay’s current oncologist has done the best he can given the fact that he is the only oncologist for hundreds, if not thousands, of patients…but it is time to allow doctors who specialize in many areas of oncology to take a look at Jay’s case and see what they can do for us.  It just feels like he will receive better care there and my honey deserves the best care possible.  I want no regrets…and this will help me to not have any regrets through this process.

On another note, my niece Alyissa wrote the most beautiful email today and I must share it with everyone.  She sent an email to my mother, her Grandma who is her caretaker from the age of 6 months until now in her tweenyears, telling her of what she is thankful for.  This is what she said:

what i am thankful for...  iam very thankful for my uncle who shows courage and compation and nothing you say will hold him back. Also for my aunt who has been tough and perfect her whole life.  I am also very very thank ful for my nana she is the sweetest person. But iam esspecally thanful for my grandma who showed me how to care and how to work hard and i love her and no body is like her. She is the most sweetest person and loving as she is. – Alyissa


This young lady has such a wonderful heart.  She loves her Uncle Jay, whom she refers to as having courage and compassion.  He is a hero in her eyes, and I have to agree.  And then she mentions her Aunt, that would be me, and I don’t know where she gets the idea that I have lived a perfect life, but I am thankful that she looks up to me at all.  Her Nana, my Grandmother, who has always been a place of refuge for all of the family.  And then Aly mentions my Mom, her Grandmother, who has taken care of her since she was a baby because her parents, my brother and his girlfriend, have never been able to care for Aly the way a child needs to be taken care of.


Aly has seen a lot in her lifetime so far and I am impressed at how she has met every challenge in her life head on.  A lot of that has to do with my Mom and how she has helped Aly to cope with her life circumstances.  My Mom has seen a lot in her lifetime so she knows what she is talking about.  Aly has allowed compassion and empathy to reside in her heart and she has an insight into life that I don’t think I ever had at her age…and I went through a lot as well, but still I don’t think that I understood how life works like Aly does.  She is a very special girl.  I am so very proud of her.  I see a lot of me in her but she is definitely stronger, and impressively, she is her own person.  What a comfort to know that there is a person on this earth like her.