Saturday, August 23, 2008

My Favorite Little Girl

In the midst of all of the trials that I am going through...I neglected to mention one of the positive things going on in my life.  Shame on me.

I have a beautiful 11 year old niece, Alyissa, and she is the light of my life.  I haven't gotten to see her very often in her 11 years, but she won me over the day she was born and has been my favorite ever since.  I absolutely adore this little girl...young lady...well, whatever, she has my heart. 

Alyissa is at the tender age where the world can influence her either negatively or positively...that's it...there are only two ways to go.  Well, I won't let the negative influences of this world get to my girl.  I want her to grow up knowing just how special she is and that nothing can stop her from accomplishing all that she dreams of. 

There have been people in her life that have given her the impression that she isn't good enough...that because she doesn't have the right clothes or the family isn't rich then she is less of a person because of it...thus shaking her confidence in herself.  That makes me so angry!  People are always so eager to put other people down so they can make themselves feel more superior...well I'm not going to allow that to happen to Alyissa...not on my watch!!  

I remember when I was her age...I know what all of the negative did to me.  I will do everything I can to help her realize that it isn't her fault that other people are judgmental.  She needs to know that she can be herself...and NO MATTER WHAT...she will be loved.

Okay, so here's the Mom...Alyissa's Grandma...takes care of her.  Almost since the time Aly was born.  And for a number of years now, my Mom has had custody of her 100% of the time.  Well, my Mom has made a huge sacrifice to do this.  She didn't have to, but she saw the need for it and set her life aside to take care of this little girl.  I am so proud of my Mom for that sacrifice she has made.  But Mom is getting to the point where she needs help with AlyAly has her own opinions of how life should go...and we all know what happens as little girls turn into teenagers.  Yikes!  So Mom needs a 'wing man'...or 'wing woman'...LOL.  That's where I come in.

I've been talking to my Mom about moving closer to me so that we can raise Aly together as a team.  I know that once Aly gets a little older...the challenges become far greater than what I think my Mom will be able to handle.  She did it once with my brother and I, but I am not certain...with all of the challenges of the teenagers of today...that my Mom is going to be able to deal with it.  Anyway, my Mom has now purchased a home in my city...just a few miles away...and they will be moving out here TOMORROW! 

I will be able to see my little girl as often as I like!  Mom too...[sorry Mom...I'm excited that you will be here too. LOL]  But I am really looking forward to being a more positive influence in Alyissa's life.  We get along so well and I love that she feels safe with me and comfortable to be herself.  That is what I want for her. 

I prayed for a long time to be a Mom...but it just was not going to happen with my husband and I.  And I understand now, through our current circumstances, why we don't have children.  But, in a way, this is an answer to my prayers because I can be a 'Spiritual Mom' just as well as I can be a real Mom.  I can give Aly the guidance and love necessary for her growth as a human being...and that fulfills my maternal instincts, thus filling the hole in my heart.  Leaving a legacy is very important to me, and now I have an opportunity to do just that. 

Praise God for answered prayers. 

Aly, I love EXACTLY who you are!  I am so happy that I will get to spend more time with you.  I am excited for the times to come.  You are my precious girl.  I love you very much...ALWAYS.  Love, Auntie

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

One Step At A Time...

Hello Everyone,

It has been a while since I have written...a lot has been going on.  Jay being cancer free was short-lived.  The Lord is allowing his cancer to return.  But I can tell you; it was a much needed break from cancer world, no matter how short-lived it was.  Those few weeks allowed us to catch our breath so we are prepared to do battle again.  We've been here before so it wasn't much of a surprise when we got his test results back this week confirming what we already knew.  Jay's attitude is pretty positive...he's bummed out...but we knew that it was a good possibility that it would come back.  He will return to City of Hope next week on Friday for a consultation with a surgeon to remove this tumor which is located at his tailbone.  I don't know if it is ON his tailbone but it is in his lymph node, so that can't be all that great.  I have a ton of questions for the surgeon.  I'm making my list now.  Like, couldn't they have seen this when they were in there just a few months ago?  I won't make myself crazy thinking of all the things they "should've" done...the Lord has this.  I feel a peace about this.  God is so mightily at work in our lives.  I couldn't do this without the love and peace that can only come from the Creator of Life.  My Jaybird is in the hands of the Lord. 

And to add to our trials...Jay's father, Russ, was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this past weekend and is having surgery at this very moment to try to remove the tumor.  Obviously, we know that pancreatic cancer is one of the worst types of cancers to get, but the Lord is with Russ and He has met him face-to-face.  As a matter of fact, Dad just gave his life to the Lord yesterday.  Praise God!!  He now receives the gift of heaven and all of the promises of the Lord.  No matter the outcome of this illness, God will restore his body one day and there will be no more suffering.  But praise the Lord that I will see my father-in-law in eternity.  That does my heart good!

For those who are praying for us...thank you for your faithfulness.  I will be writing more often now, as the Lord leads...

Thank You, Lord, for the peace that forever resides in my heart because I have the gift of salvation!  I commit my family to You and pray that Your hand would be upon them. I praise Your holy name!!