Saturday, March 29, 2008

Making The Turn

Well...the last week or so has been a bit overwhelming.  Jay and I went to City of Hope to see the surgeon again...we weren't sure what was going to happen at that appointment.  We imagined the best scenarios and then the worst in order to prepare our hearts for what we were going to hear from him.  Were they going to say, "Sorry Mr. Hare, there isn't anything that we can do for you after all" or  was it going to be something more positive? was a definite positive!  The doc told us that my Jay is a pretty healthy young man and that surgery is the best option to try and eradicate this disease that is in his body.  Yes, there is a potential that there could be further complications once they get in there...the cancer could have grown and attached itself to an organ such as the bladder and they may be forced to take a portion or all of it...which, by the way, my husband will not withstand removal of the full bladder...that would not be the best quality of his life...but, the doc says that the chances of this happening are about 5%...okay, the surgery would be worth it so far...other complications could be a lot of scar tissue blocking the area that they need to get into and they may not be able to get to where they are going...and one other thing that was identified is that they will be working in the area of the prostate so there is potential for damage there...scary, but still worth giving it a try. 

We have gone from having basically a zero percent chance of Jay surviving this disease overall to about a 70% chance that with this surgery he could be cured or at least in remission for a while.  70% people!!  That is huge!  Praise God!  So now Jay and I are having to take a look at our lives as they were a few weeks ago with no real hope to speak of and  now we can see that there is a chance that Jay's life could actually change and he may have several years 50!  I may actually have the opportunity to grow old with my honey!  God is so amazing!  He is steady and consistent all the time so I shouldn't be surprised that we have been given this miracle of time...but still I am in awe that my God loves us so much that He would even consider giving us such a gift.  This is an amazing unconditional love that you do not get anywhere else but from the Lord. 

So "overwhelmed" is the feeling ofthe week...LOL...we have both been just reeling over changing gears to actually having to think about the possibility of Jay having to go back to work someday in the near future.  Jay, of course, is reluctant to believe that any of this is true...and he is fearful that when all is said and done that this surgery may not have been worth it...but I trust that the Lord is in control of this situation and whatever He has planned for us...I'm following along.  I have been swimming in the Lord's grace and mercy all week since the appointment and this is the first I have been able to write anything about it because I haven't been able to find the words to describe what we are going through. 

There is a great saying that has stuck with me since I heard it about 10 years ago and I don't remember who said it but it goes like this..."The bend in the road is not the end in the road unless you fail to make the turn." 

You could open a million theme parks with all of the "thrill rides" that He puts us on...all of the ups and downs, hairpin turns, and loop-the-loops...but what an amazing experience it is...this ride called life.  I will never regret following the One who makes it all possible. 

Who knows what will happen as a result of this surgery that is scheduled for April 23rd...but here is to "making the turn."  I am on the ride for sure!

Heavenly Father, thank You for the miracle of HOPE.  You make it all possible and I give all of the glory to YOU.  I love you with everything I have.  Watch over my Jay...Your will be done.  In Jesus name.  Amen.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

When life gives you lemons...



We were given a bunch of fresh lemons the other day so we decided to go out and get a was yummy!  But it was a wonderful metaphor for what we happen to be going through at the moment.  What seems to be meant for evil...God is turning into something good.  These are special moments with my honey. 

God bless!


Friday, March 14, 2008

A New Day

Hi Everybody,


It has been a few days since our appointment with the surgeon and Jay has had time to mull everything over and he has figured out that it will be worth it to endure another surgery if it gives him a shot at a longer life…and even possibly remission and/or cure.  He, of course, didn’t tell me this…I overheard him talking to someone on the phone and saying those words.


To me, it’s a no-brainer…a shot at a longer life when your life at 42 years old is being threatened…but I’m not the cancer patient.  I had told him the same day as our appointment that I would support whatever decision that he made.  I don’t want to push him into a surgery that may or may not work and if the worst case scenario happened, I don’t want the blame to come to me.  I want him to know that even if he decided to skip the surgery and just seek the best quality of life for whatever life he has left that I would spend every waking moment trying to make it the best life ever for him. 


Well, now that we know that the surgeon wants to do surgery…I thought I’d share what my thoughts were while I was sitting in the waiting room and then the examination room.  I just want others to know that even in the midst of a crises…you can rely on the Lord’s strength and power to get through it.


Journal Entry - 03/10/08…It’s a weird feeling sitting in a cancer hospital waiting room…looking around to try and determine which are the cancer patients and which are the caretaker/family members…you know, cancer doesn’t look like it did even five years ago…some patients don’t lose their hair or lose weight…it’s just not easy to tell anymore…if you look at my Jay, you wouldn’t know that he was a cancer patient…he just looks like a normal guy…thinning hair, but otherwise pretty normal…and foxy if you asked me…LOL.


It is a strange feeling knowing that a doctor is going to come into this examination room and determine my husband’s fate…but it’s a good feeling to know that God is looking out for us no matter what and it is He that truly determines our fate.


I am putting my trust in God for this day and this moment…and then moment-by-moment I will consciously make the choice to allow this to work for our good…I no longer want to try and guess what God has in store for us…I used to think of it as a sort of game to see if I could figure out God’s plan before He revealed it…well, doing that is a kind of sin because it means that I’m not sitting back and letting God be God…trying to figure out His next move is detrimental to my spirit because, first, I’m missing out on His blessings and His lessons if I’m trying to anticipate a move on His part, second, I am allowing the enemy to fill my mind with lies because I can never guess totally correctly what is on God’s mind and in His plan, and thirdly, I am allowing my joy in my circumstances be taken away because I’m too busy trying to be the prophet that I am NOT instead of being obedient to sit back and WAIT on the Lord.


If this doctor comes in today and says that surgery is not an option, I am to KNOW that it was not a part of the Lord’s plan for us…and not only know, but TRUST that God is in control.  His plan is better than any plan that I can dream up.


May the Lord receive the glory for what we are about to experience with this surgery and recovery…Lord, give me strength to be there for my husband and give my Jaybird Your peace that surpasses all understanding and wisdom to know that You are in control.


God bless you all.  Thank you for reading my blog.




Monday, March 10, 2008

Jay Update

Hello All,

We met with the surgeon today...we need to go back in a couple of weeks to have more scans looks like surgery is definitely going to happen...well, that is if Jay decides to go forward with it...let's just say he's nervous about having another major surgery and there is no guarantee that his cancer will be cured as a result of we are just taking it all in right now.  We'll know a whole lot more in a couple of I'll keep you guys posted.  Thank you for all of the prayers.  I covet them.

God Bless,


Friday, March 7, 2008

God Is In The Fast Lane

You definitely don't want to mess with God when He is in the fast lane!  Whhheeww!  My head is spinning...we got the call from the surgeon's office and we have an appointment set for Monday...that would be THIS Monday at City of Hope at 3:00 p.m.  Praise the Lord!  So we will have our consultation and if the surgeon is willing to perform surgery on Jay, who knows! He may perform surgery right there, as fast as the Lord is working!  LOL

Thank you to everyone who is praying for my honey.  Keep it up!!  We need it!  There is power in prayer and I am asking the Lord for a miracle.  My God can do anything, so I am trusting that He can heal my husband if He chooses. 

I will report again after our consultation on Monday.  As for me, I am off to a women's retreat for the weekend to receive the Lord's restoration in my heart, mind, and soul.  May the Lord receive the glory for all that our future holds.

Love to you all!  Have a nice weekend!


Wednesday, March 5, 2008


This photo says it all for me.  My honey was the recipient of HOPE yesterday.  These people mean business and I am thankful to the Lord for opening the door to City of Hope.

This is the word for the day, the month, the year!!  Praise God!

This place just spews encouragement.  The fountain is beautiful, but check out the sign on the building behind it..."Think Cure" is what it says.

This cherry blossom tree is just simply gorgeous.  In its own way, it creates a hope as well.  I just love it.

Well, yesterday was a blessing.  For the first time, Jay has hope for a cure for his disease.  The doctor at City of Hope was very nice and also very to the point.  He is referring us to a surgeon for a consultation because it is the only way for a possible cure.  CURE PEOPLE!!  Praise the Lord for even the possiblity!!

Dr. Lim told us that we can do chemotherapy forever and it still wouldn't help the situation.  The cancer will always come back and also the chemo will eventually just stop working at all.  So his solution is to send Jay for surgery to remove the one and only peanut-size tumor in his belly and then a small round of chemo afterwards to see if we can get him in remission.  How awesome is that!! 

And when Jay and I discussed, in front of the doctor, our vacation in May and wondered when the surgery would be and how long the recovery would be and what the potential was that we wouldn't be able to take a vacation at all, Jay suddenly thought about it all and got upset and said, "Well, I'm not doing anything until after May!"  Dr. Lim took one look at Jay and locked in on his eyes and said very sternly, "We're in the business of saving your life!  That's why you're here!  If I send you to a surgeon and he says you're going to have surgery next week; you're going to have surgery next week!"  Woohoo!! I loved that!  A doctor with a real passionfor his patient.  That put it in the right perspective for Jay and he surrendered any thoughts of waiting to have surgery. 

It was a great day yesterday.  Jay received hope.  That is all I wanted for him.  He deserves to have some hope. 

So now we wait for the surgeon's office to call with an appointment and we will take the steps necessary to save Jay's life.  I know that this is God's plan for us to be receiving help from City of Hope.  I am so thankful to Him for everything that He is doing on our behalf.

I just love my honey and pray that I have many many years with him.