Tuesday, July 9, 2013


"God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn." Psalm 46:5

This scripture has proven to be quite the promise from the Lord, and dare I say, was written just for ME! God knew the path my life would take and knew that I would need a special word from Him that would help me to persevere and keep going. This verse has seen me through the best and worst of times. It has kept me strong when I have been so incredibly weak. It has given me power by the Holy Spirit as I have received it into my heart and allowed it to transform my life. It has given glory to God as I have continued to walk the path set before me knowing that at the core of my being God resides and stands firm and others are a witness to this. A widows' journey is never easy, but with a promise such as this, the path most certainly CAN be navigated and the experience empowering...by God alone.

This week (July 12th) is the 4th heavenly birthday for my Jay. I celebrate and rejoice that I know where he spends his eternity and that one day I will see him again. But what a journey this has been for me since he departed!! God has shown me so much about myself. For the things that the Lord wanted changed, He has forever changed. For the things about me that He wanted to enhance, He has refined and magnified! He has given and He has taken away. I have been transformed! Blessed be the name of the Lord! I will never know if any of this would have happened if Jay hadn't been taken to heaven. Having that answer really won't even matter when I get to heaven...but I can be thankful right now that the Lord saw fit to use such a traumatic experience to bring forth a "new and improved" ME!

At the 4-year mark of my widowhood, I know that Jay would be very proud of who I have become in the Lord, but more important to me now is that I AM PROUD OF MYSELF! Not proud as in being prideful, but proud because the Lord has accomplished SO much in my new life. When I first became a widow, I lived my life as someone who wanted to be the person I knew my husband always wanted to see me become. As I have learned to live my life completely and sold out for Jesus, I no longer find the need, nor have the desire, to seek that earthly approval. And in seeking the Lord, and discovering His plan to use me for His glory, it is only God's love and His ways that I seek and that is SO fulfilling to me.

So the adventure continues as I learn more and more about who I am in Christ Jesus! I identify more now with being a single woman than being a widow...although I am still a widow. That is some serious healing right there folks! My heart is open to whatever plan the Lord has for my life. I may not always agree on the path, but being obedient to stay on that path that He has ordained for me is what I desire to do and is what I seek after. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 says it exactly as it is. If you can trust the Lord no matter what the situation; acknowledge that He is in control and LET HIM BE...then He is faithful to guide you along in your life. I have not always been able to do this, but I know that when I am faithful to allow God to work in my life THIS is the end result! God's glory is revealed!

So in my adventures now, I desire to do new things...go to new places...experience life! I want to travel, and try new foods and new cultures. My greatest heart's desire is still to travel to Israel. My heart yearns to walk in the land that my Savior walked and performed miracles...and offered Himself up as the ultimate sacrifice for my sins so I may be reconciled to God, my Father! I don't know if I will ever be able to go, but I hold out hope that God hears my heart's plea and will grant me a trip there one day.

Okay, so one of my newest adventures was attempting to SURF! Oh my gosh, so hilarious! But I did surf! I got up and rode a wave in! So cool!! I can't wait to do it again! Check that off my bucket list! LOL
I am always encouraging my widows to not be afraid to try something new. Or to go somewhere on your own. Taking ownership of the life the Lord has allowed for us is the way to receive His ultimate healing in our hearts. I have to live this by example. I desire to show other widows that although you might think that this big of a loss might kill you; it really will not. That is not God's desire. God's desire is for us to find out what His new plan is for our lives and then strive to LIVE in that new life.
Next up on my "trying something new" list is a mud run in September. Wish me luck! But more than that...PRAY FOR ME! LOL. I am excited and terrified...but I will do it! That is how I live my life now. I am excited and terrified, but I will do this for the Lord!
Ready or not, HERE I COME!!
Thank You, Lord, for all that You have accomplished in my life thus far. I look forward to the plan you have for my life. I know I don't always see the road before me, but You are always faithful to take me by the hand. You are my God Who sees ME and loves me and guides me on my specific path that You have ordained for me. Lord, I long to glorify You on this journey that is my life. Help me to see through Your eyes. I love you eternally. I am Yours! In Jesus name. Amen. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Reflection of His Glory...

"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.  To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. " 1 Peter 5:10-11

I am still "chewing" on this scripture after having attended a widows' retreat this past weekend in which this scripture was the "theme". The weekend was so powerful, and filled with the Lord's love. 104 widows from several different states coming for a respite from their daily lives filled with every imaginable emotion as a result of the loss of their husband. Each widow with a similar, yet different, testimony to be shared. Widows shouldering each other's burdens to lighten the load...truly as the Lord intended the path of grief to be...comforting each other with the comfort we ourselves have received. His love perfected in the broken hearted.

I have read 1 Peter 5:10-11 before, and of course God's Word is always impactful...ALWAYS alive and can be applied to every situation as you are experiencing it.  And the same scripture can speak differently to you in the various circumstances you go through...so no matter how many times you have read the same scripture...its meaning is significant where you are at...right this minute. So this weekend as I was fellowshipping with my widow-sisters, and as I was contemplating this scripture...it took on a brand new meaning for the place that I am in right now in my widowhood.

The road has been a long one for the 3 1/2 years that I have been widowed. Some days seemed much longer than others...but I have persevered and traveled this road, putting one foot in front of the other even when I didn't feel like moving...AT ALL. Truly, the suffering has been extensive for more years than I have actually been a widow. It began the day my husband Jay was diagnosed with cancer and continued on long after he died from it. So, when I read something like this scripture that tells me that my suffering will be for "a little while"...the next question is, just how LITTLE is little?? Well, if the Lord has a different plan for each individual person...then obviously, the answer would be that it is different for everyone...and it is up to the individual to WAIT upon the Lord for His still, small voice to tell you that your time for suffering from a certain situation is over.

And with that, the Lord whispered in my ear this weekend that my time of suffering from the loss of my husband has ended. Let me make myself clear...my grief HAS NOT ended...I still think of and miss my husband...but the physical, emotional, and monetary suffering that came with Jay's death has come to an end. I am no longer sickened at the thought that Jay is in heaven. I am no longer extremely emotional. And I am no longer suffering the financial straights that I was left in when he passed. I have been set FREE from my suffering!! Praise Jesus!

I was already feeling this very thing in my heart these past few months, but over the weekend at this widows' retreat, the Lord confirmed to me that because I have suffered "for a little while" He is now at work perfecting, establishing, strengthening and settling me. What a tremendous GIFT!! The Lord saw fit to show me just how far I have truly come in my grief process. This gift is my reward for being diligent to follow His road, His plan, and His Light no matter how difficult it was! This is an amazing testament to His faithfulness to meet me where I am at and grow my faith in Him and to add to my own personal testimony...and to be used for what purpose??? TO BRING HIM GLORY! Will there be more suffering in my life...absolutely, YES. But my suffering for this season has come to a close and I am ever so grateful for His healing touch on my heart. May His work in my life and in my heart be perfected according to HIS will and HIS plan!

To God be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. AMEN!