Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Am Not My Own...

I haven't written for a few weeks. I have been experiencing some changes in my heart and I needed to take some time to really take it all in and receive it. The Lord has been so faithful to continue healing my heart a little bit more everyday. Do I miss my Jay? YES. But it is no longer incredibly painful to think of him. Praise the Lord for healing!

I have been meditating on scripture in order to really understand what the Lord wants from me in this process. It took me a while to allow myself to understand my title of "widow" but I have come to accept that title. Isaiah 54:5 says, "For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is his name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth." I am no longer a married person on earth; I am married to my Lord.

From an earthly stand-point, I am considered single now...which means I must be pure in the Lord's sight until such a time as when the Lord decides to bring another husband to me. Believe me, it is very difficult for me to even fathom having someone else in my life besides Jay, but the Word tells me that because I am a young widow; I will marry again. So, I believe that the Lord has a plan for my future which includes a new married life. Until then, I must remain committed to the Lord and stay pure.

I would've never thought that at 40 I would need to be thinking about my sexual purity whether mental or physical, but the Lord has allowed my circumstances to become such that I need to be ready to be held accountable for these things. I need to honor Him with my whole heart, mind, soul and BODY.

As a commitment to the Lord, I have given my wedding ring finger over to Jesus. This is a picture of my purity ring. A ring that means that I belong to my Maker. All that I am and all that I have belong to Him. It doesn't mean that I am not committed to Jay's memory or that I have stopped loving him. Absolutely on the contrary. I will always love Jay and he will remain in my heart forever. It is merely my commitment to Christ that is symbolized on my finger with this ring. It reminds me Who I belong to. It reminds me that nothing about me is my own.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." I have accepted that I am now single, but I am commanded by God not to ACT as a single woman, for I am not my own. I was bought by the shed blood of Jesus Christ. My everything belongs to Him.

Now why would I write about something so personal, you may ask? For the accountability! I will be held accountable for my actions...whether by people or by God...or both! I have a 12 year old niece who I want to be led BY EXAMPLE so she understands how precious she is to the Lord and that her love and physical intimacy was designed to be given as a gift to her future husband.

I want her to know that her Auntie is committed to waiting until she marries again before giving her body to a man. And while mistakes were made in the past; this is a new life being given to me, and I desire to do what is pleasing to the Lord.

This ring is a symbol of my commitment to the Lord. I am His...heart, mind, soul and body.

Thank You, Lord, for Your love for me. Thank You that You sent Jesus to not only be my Savior, but to be my husband. I may be a widow, and a single woman, but I am Yours. Guide my steps. Take my hand, Lord. I desire to walk where You know the things that You want me to know. I desire Your way. I love You with all of my heart, mind, soul and body. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.