All Things Work Together...

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Well, here it is...I have finally reached the point where I can actually SEE the Lord's handy work and greater purpose for my life! It is a milestone I didn't think I would ever reach.Throughout all of the grit and gore of my mourning, the Lord has proven to be faithful to me and He promised me through His word that He would use everything for His purposes. This promise I have held onto with a death-grip since even before Jay passed away!

When you are the one swimming in the "sea of grief" it is very difficult to fathom that the Lord could use such a devastating circumstance to encourage others and bring glory to Himself. This would be why HE is God and I am NOT. My quickly failing, over-the-age of 40 human eyesight, has given way to divine clarity in recent days...and MY GOD will receive the glory for what He has placed before me.

I have a heart to minister to other widows. I have had that burden on my heart for a couple of years now. The Lord has strategically placed widows in my life for me to encourage throughout my mourning process. He was preparing me all along for this calling. I will be the coordinator for the new widow's ministry at my church! This is a BIG responsibility and I am taking it very seriously. The enemy would love for me to be distracted or scared, but I am so excited for this opportunity to love on my widow-sisters. It fills my heart with such joy to be able to encourage a sister on her journey through mourning the loss of their husband.  The Lord is healing me more and more with each time I am able to encourage someone to not give up hope. It is true - you really do receive comfort by comforting others. God's word is more alive now than ever before!

For a very long time there have been no ministries that I truly felt like I belonged in because of my widowhood. When you become a widow, you sort of feel like an alien. You're "technically" single, but you certainly don't feel single. You're "biblically" married to the Lord (Isaiah 54:5), but that feels foreign because you are used to having your human husband with you and he is now in heaven. You have no single friends, only married ones, and you often feel like a third wheel when you hang out with them. You just don't feel like you "fit" anywhere.

So NOW is the time! The Lord has given me the gift of a "place of belonging"...and I am blessed to help other widows find their place of belonging.

Romans 8:28...Oh yes, the Lord truly does use everything to serve HIS purpose and bring glory to His name!

He is faithful.

He is good.

He is ever-present.

He is merciful.


HE IS LOVE.


Thank you, Jesus!

Salt and Light...

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." 

~Matthew 5:13-16

One of the pastors of my church just spoke about this scripture this morning for our staff devotions. First, it is such a blessing to work for my church...second, it is a blessing to be held accountable to the Lord through a staff devotion...God is SO GOOD!

The message this morning pierced my heart with the spear of TRUTH. The first verse, "You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned?", reminds me that, as a believer, I need to keep my walk right with the Lord so that He may use me to speak HIS truth. If I don't keep my heart right and get the junk out and fill it with God's Word then I am not allowing myself to be that salt in a world that is desperate for healing.

Salt is a preservative. Salt is an antibacterial agent used to ward off disease. Salt promotes healing.

I was exhorted to look within my heart and ask the Lord what things He might want me to change, idols to be gotten rid of; find what might be holding me back from fully serving Him. I am still allowing Him to search my heart and speak to me. I want to be fully yielded. I want to be that open vessel used to help others for His glory.

The second part of the scripture, "You are the light of the world...Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."...WOW! That one packs a punch!  Being "the light" is never an easy task for this dark world we live in. There are things and people that I experience everyday that try to dim the Lord's light within me. I have to admit that the past few years have proven to be a trial so difficult that I really felt as though the light in my heart was dimmed to a small spark. But as the Lord so faithfully reminds me, even a spark, when properly provoked, can become a forest fire! I have been praying for the Lord to fan this flame in my heart that it might bring about a massive wall of fire. I SO desire to shine a light for Jesus' sake.

Jesus died for me, for my sins! It is my desire for people to know that and recognize the fact that I truly am a JESUS FREAK! His love for me will never die. I am saved from an eternity of death and despair because of what Jesus did on the cross. This is what I want the WORLD to know...that they have a Savior that loves them and there is an abundant life awaiting them if they only open their hearts to believe. I want to have a BOLD faith! I don't want to disguise or hide my faith in Jesus Christ. I want my faith to be a beacon of HOPE for those that feel like they have none.

Listening to the exhortation from our pastor really made my heart JUMP with excitement! I desire to serve in missions. Pastor Rick serves over the missions ministry. He spoke of the many opportunities to serve throughout the United States, Mexico, and now Haiti. As he was speaking and showing the pictures and describing the scene of destruction that they often find themselves serving in. People whose souls are downcast, and they only need one person to throw arms around them and pray for them and show them the love of Christ.  THAT'S ME!!! THAT'S ME!! Send ME Lord!!

So that will be the thing that I seek after the Lord for. Provision and prayer, asking the Lord to provide a way for me to serve Him and shine His light in the missions. That is my heart's desire. I will be actively pursuing the Lord's will and timing for serving in missions field.  Until then...it starts at home. How can I help others who live near me? What can I do to glorify the Lord in my own little town? How can I be that salt and light?

Thank You, Lord! I wait expectantly for an answer from You. YOU are faithful! May You receive the glory for anything that is good within Me! In Jesus name. Amen!

Stillness in the Lord...

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

This scripture is ever present in my life. I can't tell you how many times this scripture has "somehow" (we all know how...or should I say "Who") been placed before me. Nearly every question that I ask of the Lord can be answered with this scripture...

• Lord, I am not comfortable with this circumstance. How long will it be like this?
• Lord, why do I feel like things just aren't the way they should be?
• Lord, I need to make some changes, what would You have me to do?
• Lord, I desire to have someone new in my life, is that what You have in Your plans for me?
• Lord, I don't know what to do in this situation. Will You help me?

All to be answered with..."Be still and know that I AM God."

No one likes to sit and wait. Everything in life is rush, rush, rush...but I am being continually reminded that when God says "I AM"...that means HE IS! And you just don't question it. God is in control, and when the weight of the world rests on my shoulders, I have only to remember this promise, that He IS God and I am to BE STILL and trust Him for His plan to reveal itself to Me in His perfect time.

There are stirrings in my heart for things that I'd like to do as a ministry. I have been praying for a long time about a widows ministry. For obvious reasons, I am drawn to the care of widows. The Lord is slowly revealing things to Me and prayerfully it will lead to a ministry at church, but if it's not His will for it to be a ministry at church, it could just be that I need to make it my personal ministry. My heart has received much healing from the Lord as I have ministered to women I know, and some that I don't know, that have become widows. We share a common bond that not many (thankfully) women share. But as I get older, it is happening more and more. I believe the Lord has gifted me with a heart of mercy so that, as I have grieved the loss of my husband, I might be able to comfort other widows with the Lord's comfort that I have received for myself. I know for a fact that the Lord is using my testimony to speak to other women who have suffered this loss so that they can see that it is possible to survive, and thrive, after such a deep wound has been opened in their hearts. God is faithful to bind those wounds!

Another stirring I am experiencing is to visit cancer wards at hospitals to minister to patients and their families. I have witnessed for myself that there are many people who endure these things completely alone, with no loved ones by their side. And then you have those patients who have entire families there by their side. My heart goes out to both! I have been the caregiver, but not the patient...but I do have an understanding of what the patient goes through. I am seeking the Lord so that I know how HE wants Me to serve these people. All in His time.

No matter the circumstance, there comes a season in which we have to BE STILL so that we can hear the voice of the Lord speak and know how to move forward...and also so we don't get ahead of Him and HIS work! And in every bit of circumstances that we are to go through, we are to recognize that HE IS GOD and act accordingly. Yield to Him for the circumstances that have been allowed to come to us. He is faithful to lead us through them as we trust Him to guide our steps.

Lord, my life is Yours! I wait on You. Amen.

Taking A Load Off...

"Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day he carries us in his arms." Psalm 68:19

Continuing my journey in the Lord...I have just been taking one step at a time. I've been trying to allow the Lord to lead the way. While I believe I am navigating well through my life these days, there are times that I make the Lord's job harder than it needs to be by trying to take the control away from Him. Sometimes I just think I know better than He does what is good for me.  Well...I'm WRONG about that! LOL

I read the scripture above the other day...and there were two visions that came to me. One vision was of my loving God, carrying me through the difficulties of life; through the decision-making process; through the teenage-rearing seasons (ugh!).  And then...the second vision...of a loving Father who is carrying away His child who is throwing a temper trantrum because she is not getting her way.  Yep! That's ME! Haha!

But seriously, the many ups and downs of my life have warranted my heavenly Father to carry Me. I can do nothing in my own strength and through my own efforts. God is the LORD of my everything and I am doing my best to yield to His will and His calling on my life. I am so grateful for the fact that He is more than willing to carry me so I can take a load off!

An update, since it has been forever since I have written...

I am still single...yep...there you have it. LOL!  That's all...nothing really interesting to report. Life has just carried on. Praise JESUS!

My niece, Aly, is almost 15 years old now and is in high school. Yikes! When you have never birthed a child, and then you suddenly find yourself helping to raise a teenager...well...it's certainly a different world.  Somewhere in this process of helping my Mom to raise this child, I became a "parent". Life is not the same as before. Suddenly I have to keep track of someone. I have to nag and bug and discipline. I even have been initiated into the "you're an idiot adult" and "what do you know?" clubs! Haha! That's hilarious! I remember when I thought the same of my parents. I remember rolling my eyes, just as my niece does to me. I remember being disrespectful to adults. And now it's all happening to ME! The only question I have for other parents is, HOW DO YOU NOT KILL A TEENAGER?? Hahaha!!

Honestly, it is the most difficult thing I've had to do...but I wouldn't trade it. I am accountable to my actions. I am accountable to my word. I am accountable to my LIFE! I don't even speed on the freeways because I'm afraid of getting killed and then where would that leave my niece?? I have to be around for her. This girl doesn't have the luxury of having her biological parents around, so me and my Mom are it! It is ever-present in my mind now. I even have a life insurance policy with her name as a beneficiary! She is my child.

I.AM.A.PARENT. I love my girl with all of my heart. Life is not easy for teenagers these days, so my heart is really invested in helping her to succeed and to know that she is loved and wanted. She has become my life. She can't stand me right now...and that's okay...because I know what comes later. She is most certainly worth the investment. Just as my Lord loves me unconditionally, and will never leave me nor forsake me...that is my devotion to my Aly. And someday she will look back on everything and I KNOW she will be blessed to know the depth of my love.

So, life has changed once again for me.  IT'S A GIRL!

And, God is good.

Just Life...

Wow...I'm just realizing how long it has been since I have written anything at all. A few people have asked about my writing and why I stopped, and the only answer I could come up with is that I have writer's block. I have had the desire to write but really nothing to write about. I've thought many times that I should write something just because...but in all reality, every time I have thought about writing "just anything"...I immediately follow it up with "who wants to read about my boring life?" Even I find my life boring at this moment! LOL

But, I guess the better perspective would be this...God has blessed me with a quiet lull in my life after the major storm that Jay and I endured for such a long time...and then I went through even more after that...so this is my "lull" season. I rejoice in that.

So what is happening in my life right now?

I still love my job at my church! New opportunities are beginning to open up to me and growth is happening in my position. I love it when I am able to do new things, in addition to the old things all while serving the Lord at the same time!

My roomie and I are getting ready to move to a new apartment next weekend. We are excited for this change. We will be closer to the church, and I will be closer to my mom and niece so I can help them with all of their daily happenings. Kristin (my roomie) and I have been praying for a while about being better stewards with the money the Lord has given to us, and this apartment is the solution to that. It happens to be the same apartment complex that Jay and I lived in many MANY years ago. When Kristin and I walked around the complex, it looked different but had the same feel. I felt such a peace and that gave me the ability to exhale with delightful nostalgic memories running through my mind and heart. So next week, another new chapter can be added to my life story.

I am currently looking forward to helping my 14 year old niece adjust to being a freshman in high school. (Yikes! How did THAT happen?!) Being closer allows me to spend more time helping her with homework or just being a mentor. I love Aly so much and would absolutely DIE for her. She is an amazing girl; very smart and has a heart of gold. She dreams of being a K-9 cop...so I will do all I can to help her to attain that goal. Lots of hard work ahead of us, but we will do it. There will be extra work on my part as I try to keep her focused on her dream and not on BOYS! This girl is gorgeous and has started gaining the attraction of boys...I feel as though the sharks are circling BUT I have my bat in hand, ready to strike any one of them that tries any funny business with my girl! LOL I realize the whole "boyfriend thing" is inevitable...EVENTUALLY...but not now. She is too young! But she has a good head on her shoulders and is making very wise choices at this point regarding boys...I'm just praying it continues.

And as for me...well...life has carried on, I am feeling more like myself...not exactly the old me...but more like an "I've-been-through-a lot-and-I-have-learned-and-taken-notes-and-actually-applied-them" wiser version of the old me. I am a little more serious about things. I think more critically about things. I reason more and act a little less out of my emotions. (still a work in progress but improvement is improvement and I'll take it!) I am less attached to "things" and see the bigger picture MUCH more clearly. Having someone you love in heaven will do that to ya! The greatest realization has been...nothing is more important than God...ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! So HE will continue to be my greater focus in my life. I will serve Him as I have been, and prayerfully a little more in the coming days/months/years as He sees fit.

I care a little bit more about myself these days too...started taking vitamins, eating a little better (a little), have lost 10 lbs and have a desire to start exercising. WHAT?! LOL! I just want to be healthier and help myself to generally feel good. I am beginning to desire to experience my life again instead of just existing in it and moving around like a robot. I actually SMILE more! That's nice. I was beginning to think that I was not going to feel joy in my heart again. God is amazing in His restorative efforts!

And along with all of this...brace yourselves...I have started feeling the desire to have someone special in my life again. And NO! There is no one currently even in my thought process!! So there better not be any rumors of me having a boyfriend or anything of the sort! LOL! But, in embracing my singleness, I read the book, Choosing God's Best and there is a sentence in there that I have tucked in my heart..."Don't worry about finding the right person; concentrate on being the right person for someone and let the Lord do the rest." Wow! Can you say, "Game-changer"??! I miss the companionship of a special someone, but I want my focus to be on who the Lord has for me, and how I may add to that person's life and NOT on setting out to find that person myself. My concentration is going to be on making the changes the Lord points out that need to be made in me, and maintaining the attributes the Lord identifies as being "attractive" to Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that the Lord has a plan for me...let's see what He has in store! I'm listening, Lord...

I Am the Clay...

A potter who throws clay on a pottery wheel sometimes has no idea what he is about to build, but he takes a big, shapeless glob of clay and throws it onto the center of the wheel knowing that with the work of his hands and some manipulation he will eventually come out with something...a vase, a bowl, a cup...many possibilities. It is all about the skill of the potter and the temperament of the clay.

The Word tells us in Isaiah 64:8, "Yet O Lord, You are our Father. We are the clay; You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand." I have never identified more with clay in my entire life than I do right this minute! I envision God, the Potter, sitting at the wheel, with me as the shapeless glob of clay spinning out of control with no structure...spinning, spinning, spinning - no real direction or purpose. Then the Lord sets His loving hands upon me, firm but gentle. No longer spinning aimlessly and out of control, the rough edges begin to smooth out. As I begin to take shape with a solid foundation and a bit of structure, He releases the firm grip and exchanges it with the loving touch of His finger in the center as if pointing to the core of me to say, "You are mine and you will be formed to serve my purposes." With His finger touching on the center and the core being exposed, the junk that is inside has no place else to go but to be purged out.

Until very recently, I lost my direction. I lost my drive. I lost my purpose. Well...I guess I didn't lose them...I just kind of set them aside in my exhaustion from fighting against my new life. The first year after Jay died was a breeze compared to this second year. Last Summer, in the beginning of the second year, my grief seemed to really take hold of me and I was filled with feelings of being lost, not belonging anywhere, going through the motions of my new life but not really living my life. I was trying to give glory to the Lord, but I don't know that it was all truly felt in my heart.

I basically was angry with God that I had to start my life all over again and try to figure out who I am if I'm not "Jay's wife." I spent literally half of my life with this man and now I have to try and figure out what to do in this life on my own. Who the heck am I? Yes, I am a child of God...but if you feel lost and without a sense of purpose, what do you do with that? Well, the Lord has been busy showing me what being a child of God really means.

It means that when I fall apart, walk away, and give up on myself - He is there with endless love and compassion just waiting for me to make the decision to return to Him for my comfort and rebuilding.

Jeremiah 18:4 says, "The pot he [the potter] was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel."

Every time I do something to change the depth, the shape, the structure of our relationship - He is faithful to take me down to the foundation of my being, Jesus Christ - who saved me from my sins, and remind me that I am loved no matter what I do and once I take hold of His promises again, He begins to rebuild on that foundation.

I am in the rebuilding stage now. I have returned to Him for my comfort; and I am realizing...again...that He truly does love me and just because I was angry with Him doesn't mean that He is looking at me with condemnation (that's from the enemy), but rather, He is looking at me with loving eyes saying, "I will rebuild you from scratch with My own hands."And maybe who I will be is somebody different from who I was before, but if God can restore Job after all that he went through and not only restore him but create a better life for him than he had before - I'm totally on board with that and trusting Him to do just that for me!

So while an earthly potter looks at the clay and doesn't know exactly what he will come out with in the end; our heavenly Potter knows, even before He begins, what masterpiece will stand before Him when His work is done.

His work in me is far from being done, but I am beginning to see some changes. The spark has been ignited and He is fanning the flame. I long to spend time with the Lord, learning about Him, and I am seeking to be about His business again. He has given me the desire to serve Him with the gifts I have been blessed with. My heart is beginning to actually feel again and open up. He is using me to encourage people through their trials, which is what I have always loved to do!

And He has given me something to write about again. It's difficult to write about these things that don't necessarily shed a great light on me or my selfish behavior, but the glory belongs to the Lord for what He will accomplish through this.

The rebuilding and restoration has begun. This is just the first phase...stay tuned...

Blocked...

I am presently experiencing writer's block. Please keep checking back as I am praying and asking the Lord to restore my ability to write again.

As for now...

I...got...nothin'!

Love to all.

Jamie