God shall help her, just at the break of dawn." Psalm 46:5
This scripture has proven to be quite the promise from the Lord, and dare I say, was written just for ME! God knew the path my life would take and knew that I would need a special word from Him that would help me to persevere and keep going. This verse has seen me through the best and worst of times. It has kept me strong when I have been so incredibly weak. It has given me power by the Holy Spirit as I have received it into my heart and allowed it to transform my life. It has given glory to God as I have continued to walk the path set before me knowing that at the core of my being God resides and stands firm and others are a witness to this. A widows' journey is never easy, but with a promise such as this, the path most certainly CAN be navigated and the experience empowering...by God alone.
This week (July 12th) is the 4th heavenly birthday for my Jay. I celebrate and rejoice that I know where he spends his eternity and that one day I will see him again. But what a journey this has been for me since he departed!! God has shown me so much about myself. For the things that the Lord wanted changed, He has forever changed. For the things about me that He wanted to enhance, He has refined and magnified! He has given and He has taken away. I have been transformed! Blessed be the name of the Lord! I will never know if any of this would have happened if Jay hadn't been taken to heaven. Having that answer really won't even matter when I get to heaven...but I can be thankful right now that the Lord saw fit to use such a traumatic experience to bring forth a "new and improved" ME!
At the 4-year mark of my widowhood, I know that Jay would be very proud of who I have become in the Lord, but more important to me now is that I AM PROUD OF MYSELF! Not proud as in being prideful, but proud because the Lord has accomplished SO much in my new life. When I first became a widow, I lived my life as someone who wanted to be the person I knew my husband always wanted to see me become. As I have learned to live my life completely and sold out for Jesus, I no longer find the need, nor have the desire, to seek that earthly approval. And in seeking the Lord, and discovering His plan to use me for His glory, it is only God's love and His ways that I seek and that is SO fulfilling to me.
So the adventure continues as I learn more and more about who I am in Christ Jesus! I identify more now with being a single woman than being a widow...although I am still a widow. That is some serious healing right there folks! My heart is open to whatever plan the Lord has for my life. I may not always agree on the path, but being obedient to stay on that path that He has ordained for me is what I desire to do and is what I seek after. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 says it exactly as it is. If you can trust the Lord no matter what the situation; acknowledge that He is in control and LET HIM BE...then He is faithful to guide you along in your life. I have not always been able to do this, but I know that when I am faithful to allow God to work in my life THIS is the end result! God's glory is revealed!
So in my adventures now, I desire to do new things...go to new places...experience life! I want to travel, and try new foods and new cultures. My greatest heart's desire is still to travel to Israel. My heart yearns to walk in the land that my Savior walked and performed miracles...and offered Himself up as the ultimate sacrifice for my sins so I may be reconciled to God, my Father! I don't know if I will ever be able to go, but I hold out hope that God hears my heart's plea and will grant me a trip there one day.
Okay, so one of my newest adventures was attempting to SURF! Oh my gosh, so hilarious! But I did surf! I got up and rode a wave in! So cool!! I can't wait to do it again! Check that off my bucket list! LOL