A very unusual thing has been happening these past couple of days...I have been experiencing several different emotions after finding out that my husband is cancer free. I've been thinking about those people in the hospital that weren't getting to go home just yet, or wouldn't ever go home...and the overwhelming feeling of sadness has been felt deep in my heart. Could it be survivor's guilt???
And today, a co-worker of mine who has been facing the same struggles as me for quite some time because his wife has been battling cancer, has lost his beautiful wife to the disease. And I feel that deep in my heart too...not because I knew his wife, but because I understood this man's trial and what he was going through... that is, until now.
The Lord spared my husband and took his wife. Please don't get me wrong...I totally understand that the Lord has a plan for each of us and I trust that when someone's time is up and the Lord calls them home, it fulfills the Lord's perfect plan. The Lord holds the number of our days in His hands. But, here is what I'm having a struggle with...how on earth did I get so blessed? Why would the Lord choose to spare me and my husband and not the next person? I will never be able to figure it out, but I am overwhelmed at the fact that the Lord has given me such a gift...and shown me such mercy. I am overjoyed to the point of being dumbfounded! Truly GOBSMACKED!...or GODsmacked!
We are told in the bible not to lean on our own understanding, but in all our ways, acknowledge God and He will direct our paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Well, I am acknowledging that I don't have a bit of understanding as to what the Lord's plan is for us...but I am so blessed that it involves spending more time with my Jay.
I'm not to try and figure out God...it will never happen anyway...I am to simply live moment to moment and know in my heart that God is in control of everything...and He absolutely is!
Lord, a thank you will just never be enough...