The Battle Rages On...

It has been a while since I have written...life has been...well...busy to say the least. Jay's cancer has returned in a big way. He has many tumors in the lymph system in his abdomen for which he is receiving chemotherapy. This time it's totally different. The chemo is harsh and Jay's body is less tolerant this go-round. But Jay, the uber-trooper, battles on and endures through the pain and nausea. I am so proud of him...but sometimes wonder how much more will he be able to take? I will battle along side him for as long as he wants to be a warrior.

Throughout our ups and downs, I have allowed the Lord to minister to me through the beautiful lives of my friends and family. My church family has gathered around us to stand in the gap and pray, pray, pray. I am grateful to God for all of them. It is only by faith that I am able to handle everything that I am seeing with Jay's recurrence of cancer.

Maybe I'm not right in how I look at this, but when he hurts; I hurt...when he is weak; I am weak...his cancer does not just happen to him. I may not have the actual disease in my body, but I certainly have experienced everything he has. The frustration of watching him be so sick from the chemo and him not being able to even get out of the house to do the things he loves to do. The things that take his mind off of the disease that seems hungry to take over his body. The disappointment of having to take so many medications just to sustain his comfort level...which is not always that comfortable. I live all of that with him. I wish I could just take it all away.

In those times when I feel discouraged, I know that I can turn to the Lord for my strength and courage. God gives me everything I have need of to wage this war against cancer. He gives me the smile on my face that I know will warm my husband's heart. He gives me the words of encouragement to give to Jay when he is down. He gives me the absolute love in my heart that I can pour out on my beloved so he will know that he is not alone in any of this and he can be assured that I will fight to the very ends of the earth for his well-being. It is by God alone that any of this happens. Every moment is precious, every memory is a treasure, his life is my life and mine his; that is a gift from God alone.

Thank you, Father, for your unconditional and unending love for us!