Looking Forward...

"No chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous, nevertheless AFTERWARD it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11)

Trials are very difficult to go through, there's no doubt about that.  We don't ever ask for something terrible and tragic to happen in our lives, but one thing is sure to happen when that tough circumstance does come into play...we learn something about ourselves.  For those of us who are believers in a wonderful and loving God, we learn about where we are at in our spiritual walk.  It's a chance to GROW UP in our faith.

The Lord allows trials as a way to shape and form us into better, stronger Christians.  I'm learning all of this myself, so don't go thinking that I'm preaching to anyone.  It's the Lord that is disciplining me and guiding me along the way, and by me sharing these lessons with you, I'm hoping you'll be open to learning the lessons without actually having to go through these trials yourself, or at least you can be well equipped if you do have to walk the same road as me.

The biggest lesson I've learned so far is that I can go through a life changing event such as Jay's cancer, and the Lord is right by my side, and on most days, He carries me and, if I hold on tight to Him, He will take me all the way through to the other side of the trial.  Well, I'm no where near the end of this trial...but I see His hand on everything and I see that He allowed this to happen for me to grow closer to my husband, and more importantly, so I could grow closer to Him.  I'm sure He has a lesson in this circumstance for Jay too, but only Jay can answer to that so I won't speak for him. 

I was just telling my friend that it is amazing how much clarity you receive when you know you're in the will of the Lord...and you can trust Him completely.  Trust has always been an issue of mine because it has taken many years and many heart breaks to understand that I can't put everything that I have into people, because people are imperfect and will always let me down in some fashion or another, but the one constant that has always been in my life is the Lord. I CAN TRUST HIM WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING AND I KNOW THAT HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME!  Isn't that what we all need to know?  That there is Someone who will be there through it all?  I have separation anxiety with people, but not with God!  Praise the Lord. 

While I'm thankful for all that the Lord is teaching me, I still can't help but think about a time when I won't have to worry about trials any longer, or lessons that need to be learned.  A time when I can sit back and breathe and all the unknown things of the world will be answered for me.  I can't wait for such a day.

Read this poem that I read in a book called, "Christ Indwelling and Enthroned" by J. Oswald Sanders.

AFTERWARD

We may not see just here and now

With vision clear the why and how

Of all that God seems to allow,

       But “Afterward!”

 

We may not know how that or this

Which now we fain would gladly miss

Is working for our future bliss

      But “Afterward!”

 

We may not fully understand

How underneath God’s chastening hand

Pain is fulfilling love’s command

      But “Afterward!”

 

It may not be for us to know

What portion of the seed we sow

Shall into golden harvest grow

      But “Afterward!”

 

We may not know when torn with care

Why earnest and persistent prayer

Should seem to die upon the air,

      But “Afterward!”

 

It may not be for me to see

The meaning and the mystery

Of all that God has planned for me,

      But “Afterward!”

 

- Selected

 

Oh, how I long for my "Afterward."  Thank you, Karen, for following the Lord's leading and sharing this book with me!  What an awesome blessing it is!

 

 

Okay, onto the update on Jay's progress...here's the scoop:

 

Jay has done well with his radiation treatments, so much so that he only has five left!  He should be done next Wednesday.  We don't have all the details, but we know that they've narrowed the radiation field down to a small targeted spot in the middle of his belly.  They are no longer radiating his whole abdomen.  Praise the Lord!  I don't really know what all of this means, but Jay and I are encouraged by what we've heard so far.  We have a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon and we will hopefully have a lot more information to share. 

 

As for further IV chemo treatment and the "when" and "how often" and "how much" questions, we will have to wait for Jay's oncologist to come back from vacation.  We have been told that there will most likely be a two week period before he starts his IV chemo though.

 

So, for all of you who are praying, please keep praying!!  The Lord is hearing thoseprayers and is answering loud and clear!