And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people. When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son of God!"
(Matthew 27:50-54 NIV)
Today is especially difficult for me because I can't help how overwhelmingly ashamed I am of my selfish nature. Jesus died on a cross 2000 years ago for my sins, my selfishness. My sins were cast on Him and He was tortured, beaten and shred to pieces even before being nailed to a cross so He could suffer even more at my hands.
Was I there 2000 years ago...no. But, my Father in heaven knew my sin nature and in order to save my soul, He sent His one and only Son to be executed in order that I may one day walk the streets of heaven with my Savior. It is overwhelming, the amount of love my God has for me in order to do such a thing.
I just came from our Good Friday service at Harvest, and I have a wonderful relationship with Jesus Christ, so I totally understand what happened so long ago and that Jesus reigns to this very day, but it is on this day that my heart cries out to Him with desperate apologies for my iniquities, and promises that I will try to do better...all the while knowing that I will break my promises just seconds later. (if not sooner)
I absolutely love my faith because it is humbling, yet loving at the same time, and fulfilling, and such a great way to get to know who I really am in Him. And for those who don't have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, some may read this entry and tell themselves, "She's just a 'Jesus Freak' and if her beliefs tell her that she's a failure, why would I want to join in that religion anyway?" Well, I say to that...it is not my God that tells me that I have fallen short, it is merely the grief I feel for not loving my Savior more and doing more to be like Him. I strive to become who He desires me to be, who He had in mind when He created me, and I fall short a lot.
But, I am the one who beats myself up and tells myself that I'm not good enough. He gave His life for me, and my greatest desire is to be a servant to Him. He tells me that He still loves me! There is no greater love than His love for me and I am so unworthy, but oh so grateful! And yes, I BELIEVE Him when He says that He loves me and will always be in my heart.
If you don't know this kind of love, you only need to open your heart and ask for it. He is willing to meet you where you are at. Take a chance...let Him show You just Who He is.
Lord, on this day so many years ago, You hung on the cross and allowed my sin nature to murder You. But, You have the victory because You rose again on the third day, just as You foretold. I will be eternally grateful to You. I love You with my whole being! I praise Your Holy name!! Amen.