Lost in this Life (for Jamie Hare)
With dawn as my heart begins again to beat
It seems that the path that each day holds
Is just another journey to being lost in this life
"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost." (Luke 19:10)
It is then the Lord makes His presence known
Through the love and heart of a friend
The journey becomes His - seeking me: I am never
-Barbara Van Winkle
(Thank you to my very sweet friend Barbara, who wrote this poem for me. I love you friend.)
These past several days have been overwhelmingly emotional because I have been witness to a miracle. The Lord has given me the gift of my husband's life...whether the cancer is gone forever or just for a time, I refuse to take it for granted. My husband has been granted time and I couldn't be more grateful.
This past weekend, I was scheduled to sing in a choir performance at Calvary Chapel Big Bear. I needed to be up the mountain on Saturday afternoon and we were set to spend the night and perform on Sunday morning. Well, I got up the mountain and had a really bad migraine headache, but stuck it out for the evening as the choir fellowshiped. By the end of the evening, I was homesick and missing my husband desperately. I knew that I had to sleep in an unfamiliar bed without my honey beside me.
I’m 37 years old and I still get home sick! That would just tickle my Grandmother’sfunny bone because there are many instances in my childhood of me going to her house to spend the night with her and she had to turn around and take me home because I changed my mind and cried my eyes out and made her take me home. Thankfully, I have gotten a little more refined in my adult years. Ha ha! Now, I just cry and pout…but I stay where I’m at and don’t go home. :0)
Anyway, the weekend was still fun. The choir performance was a hit. We had a blast on the stage and the congregation seemed to really enjoy themselves. What a blessing. My goal was to go and praise the Lord, literally, and thank Him for the blessing of Jay’s restored health. I was battling internally for a little while, because I missed my honey so much, but I knew that I NEEDED to praise the Lord for His love and mercies. So, praise the Lord I did…with my whole heart! I just let the Holy Spirit take hold of me and I danced and worshiped and didn’t worry if I hit a bad note or two. (okay, I hit more than two bad notes, but I don’t care.)
At this time in this journey of Jay’s health, I am thankful for all of those that have been and continue to lift my guy up in prayer. I would be lost without you! I am grateful to the Lord for Karen, my Sister in the Lord, who has continually carried me in my weakness. Yes, it was the Lord that carried me, but He used her to encourage me! I love you for your strength and beautiful heart, Karen. I am also very thankful to mine and Jay’s parents, my Grandma, and my church family for all of the hugs and love that we’ve been given. We are so abundantly blessed!
And, to my Jaybird, I love you so much that it hurts! I am so proud of you for your strength and courage. You inspire me. You make me want to be a better wife…a better person altogether. You are my hero! You have my heart forever. I will walk with you through whatever life throws our way! It is a privilege being your partner, Baby. I love you with every fiber of my being.