Thursday, May 17, 2007

A New Day

"Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.  "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!" (Lamentations 3:22-24 NKJV)

The past week has been pretty hectic for my Jaybird...and me too.  Jay received his first round of IV chemo last Friday.  He sat in the chair for 4 1/2 hours.  He was pretty drained when he got done.  Later that evening, he began to feel very nauseous.  We got through to Saturday afternoon and then the chemo really kicked in and he began to vomit.  Oh my gosh, it's so much worse than how they portray it in the movies.  I guess because I'm not connected to the people in the movies and it's not real, but I am totally connected to my honey and I love him and don't want to see him hurting or sick. 

Jay was such a trooper.  He kept trying to eat something because he thought that if he could get enough in his belly, that would make him feel better.  But every time I gave him something to eat, it came right back up.  It was just so sad.  I hated to see him so down.  He tried so hard not to show any fear or worry to me, but I know he was very concerned as we approached Saturday night and then Sunday and he was still getting sick.  I was so worried about him.  I didn't sleep much at all last weekend.

Monday morning I took him back to the doctor for IV fluids and anti-nausea meds so that he could recuperate fully.  It did the trick.  He finally stopped getting sick and was able to hold down some food.  Praise the Lord.

All weekend long, I prayed and prayed and prayed and asked the Lord to take the sickness from Jay, but He didn’t do it.  I knew that the Lord was with us, but it was difficult to understand that there was a purpose for this experience.  The purpose was to draw me closer to Him so that I will lean completely on Him and trust that He knows what is best and has a greater plan for us through this cancer. 

My heart was broken as I watched Jay make trip after trip to the bathroom, but with each time, we would come closer together as a couple because he knew that I was there to care for him and I knew that he needed me.  I praise God for the closeness that I feel to my husband.  This cancer has been a blessing and a curse.  My greatest desire is for the Lord to take the cancer away from my honey, but if He’s not willing to do that right now, I am so thankful for the time I get to spend with Jay and for the added dose of love that I feel for him.  Sometimes I feel the love overflowing in my heart, so much so that it is actually painful.  There is no greater gift that the Lord could have given me.

Jay is doing very well now.  Little to no nausea and he's able to eat real food now.  He actually went golfing yesterday!  I love his spirit.  He really is my hero.  His next round of chemo is next week so all of you who are praying, please pray that the nurses would get the dosage of anti-nausea medication right so that he won’t be sick, or at least AS SICK as he waslast weekend, as well as for strength and rest for him…and me too.

Heavenly Father, I pray Your hand of healing touch on my Jaybird.  Give him continued strength and courage as we journey down this uncertain road.  Give me a renewed energy as I minister to him through this treatment process.  I praise You, Father, for Your mercies that are new every morning.  Thank You for my husband.  Thank You for teaching me lessons daily through this experience.  I am begging for a miracle, that my husband would be spared from cancer, but Your will be done because I KNOW that Your plan is far greater for Jay's life and mine.  Thank You for Your love and comfort.  May You be glorified in my daily actions.  In Jesus Precious name.  Amen. 



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