MAKE LEMONADE!!!
We were given a bunch of fresh lemons the other day so we decided to go out and get a juicer...mmmmmmmmmmm....it was yummy! But it was a wonderful metaphor for what we happen to be going through at the moment. What seems to be meant for evil...God is turning into something good. These are special moments with my honey.
God bless!
Hi Everybody,
It has been a few days since our appointment with the surgeon and Jay has had time to mull everything over and he has figured out that it will be worth it to endure another surgery if it gives him a shot at a longer life…and even possibly remission and/or cure. He, of course, didn’t tell me this…I overheard him talking to someone on the phone and saying those words.
To me, it’s a no-brainer…a shot at a longer life when your life at 42 years old is being threatened…but I’m not the cancer patient. I had told him the same day as our appointment that I would support whatever decision that he made. I don’t want to push him into a surgery that may or may not work and if the worst case scenario happened, I don’t want the blame to come to me. I want him to know that even if he decided to skip the surgery and just seek the best quality of life for whatever life he has left that I would spend every waking moment trying to make it the best life ever for him.
Well, now that we know that the surgeon wants to do surgery…I thought I’d share what my thoughts were while I was sitting in the waiting room and then the examination room. I just want others to know that even in the midst of a crises…you can rely on the Lord’s strength and power to get through it.
Journal Entry - 03/10/08…It’s a weird feeling sitting in a cancer hospital waiting room…looking around to try and determine which are the cancer patients and which are the caretaker/family members…you know, cancer doesn’t look like it did even five years ago…some patients don’t lose their hair or lose weight…it’s just not easy to tell anymore…if you look at my Jay, you wouldn’t know that he was a cancer patient…he just looks like a normal guy…thinning hair, but otherwise pretty normal…and foxy if you asked me…LOL.
It is a strange feeling knowing that a doctor is going to come into this examination room and determine my husband’s fate…but it’s a good feeling to know that God is looking out for us no matter what and it is He that truly determines our fate.
I am putting my trust in God for this day and this moment…and then moment-by-moment I will consciously make the choice to allow this to work for our good…I no longer want to try and guess what God has in store for us…I used to think of it as a sort of game to see if I could figure out God’s plan before He revealed it…well, doing that is a kind of sin because it means that I’m not sitting back and letting God be God…trying to figure out His next move is detrimental to my spirit because, first, I’m missing out on His blessings and His lessons if I’m trying to anticipate a move on His part, second, I am allowing the enemy to fill my mind with lies because I can never guess totally correctly what is on God’s mind and in His plan, and thirdly, I am allowing my joy in my circumstances be taken away because I’m too busy trying to be the prophet that I am NOT instead of being obedient to sit back and WAIT on the Lord.
If this doctor comes in today and says that surgery is not an option, I am to KNOW that it was not a part of the Lord’s plan for us…and not only know, but TRUST that God is in control. His plan is better than any plan that I can dream up.
May the Lord receive the glory for what we are about to experience with this surgery and recovery…Lord, give me strength to be there for my husband and give my Jaybird Your peace that surpasses all understanding and wisdom to know that You are in control.
God bless you all. Thank you for reading my blog.
Jamie
Hello All,
We met with the surgeon today...we need to go back in a couple of weeks to have more scans done...it looks like surgery is definitely going to happen...well, that is if Jay decides to go forward with it...let's just say he's nervous about having another major surgery and there is no guarantee that his cancer will be cured as a result of it...so we are just taking it all in right now. We'll know a whole lot more in a couple of weeks...so I'll keep you guys posted. Thank you for all of the prayers. I covet them.
God Bless,
Jamie
You definitely don't want to mess with God when He is in the fast lane! Whhheeww! My head is spinning...we got the call from the surgeon's office and we have an appointment set for Monday...that would be THIS Monday at City of Hope at 3:00 p.m. Praise the Lord! So we will have our consultation and if the surgeon is willing to perform surgery on Jay, who knows! He may perform surgery right there, as fast as the Lord is working! LOL
Thank you to everyone who is praying for my honey. Keep it up!! We need it! There is power in prayer and I am asking the Lord for a miracle. My God can do anything, so I am trusting that He can heal my husband if He chooses.
I will report again after our consultation on Monday. As for me, I am off to a women's retreat for the weekend to receive the Lord's restoration in my heart, mind, and soul. May the Lord receive the glory for all that our future holds.
Love to you all! Have a nice weekend!
Jamie
This photo says it all for me. My honey was the recipient of HOPE yesterday. These people mean business and I am thankful to the Lord for opening the door to City of Hope.
This is the word for the day, the month, the year!! Praise God!
This place just spews encouragement. The fountain is beautiful, but check out the sign on the building behind it..."Think Cure" is what it says.
This cherry blossom tree is just simply gorgeous. In its own way, it creates a hope as well. I just love it.
Well, yesterday was a blessing. For the first time, Jay has hope for a cure for his disease. The doctor at City of Hope was very nice and also very to the point. He is referring us to a surgeon for a consultation because it is the only way for a possible cure. CURE PEOPLE!! Praise the Lord for even the possiblity!!
Dr. Lim told us that we can do chemotherapy forever and it still wouldn't help the situation. The cancer will always come back and also the chemo will eventually just stop working at all. So his solution is to send Jay for surgery to remove the one and only peanut-size tumor in his belly and then a small round of chemo afterwards to see if we can get him in remission. How awesome is that!!
And when Jay and I discussed, in front of the doctor, our vacation in May and wondered when the surgery would be and how long the recovery would be and what the potential was that we wouldn't be able to take a vacation at all, Jay suddenly thought about it all and got upset and said, "Well, I'm not doing anything until after May!" Dr. Lim took one look at Jay and locked in on his eyes and said very sternly, "We're in the business of saving your life! That's why you're here! If I send you to a surgeon and he says you're going to have surgery next week; you're going to have surgery next week!" Woohoo!! I loved that! A doctor with a real passionfor his patient. That put it in the right perspective for Jay and he surrendered any thoughts of waiting to have surgery.
It was a great day yesterday. Jay received hope. That is all I wanted for him. He deserves to have some hope.
So now we wait for the surgeon's office to call with an appointment and we will take the steps necessary to save Jay's life. I know that this is God's plan for us to be receiving help from City of Hope. I am so thankful to Him for everything that He is doing on our behalf.
I just love my honey and pray that I have many many years with him.
Hello Family and Friends,
I'm not really sure what has triggered this particular emotion, but today I am feeling very thankful. Thankful for my husband and the fact that I still have him with me. Thankful for my friend Karen and all my friends who make me smile and bring me such joy. And thankful for family who support me and Jay unconditionally. Just thankful...
This morning Jay had a PET/CT scan. The first one since finding out that the one big tumor that was in his belly in August isn't there anymore. I am eager...and hopeful...and a little scared to know the results from today. I want the cancer to be gone so badly. The great thing is, we will go to City of Hope on Tuesday and have them review the results and give them to us. We will see what happens.
Jay is officially on a break from chemotherapy for a few months. If surgery is an option at all and City of Hope wants to perform it, Jay has to be completely off of chemo for at least four weeks. So far he has been off for two weeks, so this was a good time to take a break. His body really needs to recover from the side effects. Jay was so relieved to know that he will have a few months of not having to be injected every other week and not having to take seven chemo pills a day. It made me happy to see him so relieved. He really needed that. And while it still makes me a little nervous that he is not taking the chemo, I am trusting that the Lord will take care of him. Either way, it's out of my hands. I just wait...pray...and deal.
As for me...I have Spring fever!! It is so gorgeous outside today and I am stuck in an office. I want to go out and play and have fun! It is difficult to concentrate when I know that Jay is at home tinkering in the garage or off taking TJ for a run in the park. I want to be there. But, alas, I cannot. Total bummer.
I don't care about anything but having more time with my honey. That's all that matters to me.
Love to all. Pray for Jay...please.
I want to apologize to everyone who has been asking me for a new entry in my blog. I can’t explain it, but time seems to just get away from me and the next thing I know, a few weeks have gone by without an entry.
So the past couple of weeks have been filled by life transforming us. A few weeks ago, we were being led down the path of life without hope and now we’ve been given permission to live again with our new prognosis gifted to us by our second doctor, but even more important than that…the Lord has given us a miracle. Jay and I have slowly been allowing ourselves to die and now we are feeling alive again. And I know that this may not last forever, but I sure am happy that we have more time than we thought. There is nothing greater than the gift of time.
Anyway, Jay has a PET/CT scan at the end of this month and once we have that information, we are ready to ship our files to City of Hope for review. I’m not sure when we will actually get to meet a doctor, but I am looking forward to that process. I’m sure that Jay’s current oncologist has done the best he can given the fact that he is the only oncologist for hundreds, if not thousands, of patients…but it is time to allow doctors who specialize in many areas of oncology to take a look at Jay’s case and see what they can do for us. It just feels like he will receive better care there and my honey deserves the best care possible. I want no regrets…and this will help me to not have any regrets through this process.
On another note, my niece Alyissa wrote the most beautiful email today and I must share it with everyone. She sent an email to my mother, her Grandma who is her caretaker from the age of 6 months until now in her tweenyears, telling her of what she is thankful for. This is what she said:
what i am thankful for... iam very thankful for my uncle who shows courage and compation and nothing you say will hold him back. Also for my aunt who has been tough and perfect her whole life. I am also very very thank ful for my nana she is the sweetest person. But iam esspecally thanful for my grandma who showed me how to care and how to work hard and i love her and no body is like her. She is the most sweetest person and loving as she is. – Alyissa
This young lady has such a wonderful heart. She loves her Uncle Jay, whom she refers to as having courage and compassion. He is a hero in her eyes, and I have to agree. And then she mentions her Aunt, that would be me, and I don’t know where she gets the idea that I have lived a perfect life, but I am thankful that she looks up to me at all. Her Nana, my Grandmother, who has always been a place of refuge for all of the family. And then Aly mentions my Mom, her Grandmother, who has taken care of her since she was a baby because her parents, my brother and his girlfriend, have never been able to care for Aly the way a child needs to be taken care of.
Aly has seen a lot in her lifetime so far and I am impressed at how she has met every challenge in her life head on. A lot of that has to do with my Mom and how she has helped Aly to cope with her life circumstances. My Mom has seen a lot in her lifetime so she knows what she is talking about. Aly has allowed compassion and empathy to reside in her heart and she has an insight into life that I don’t think I ever had at her age…and I went through a lot as well, but still I don’t think that I understood how life works like Aly does. She is a very special girl. I am so very proud of her. I see a lot of me in her but she is definitely stronger, and impressively, she is her own person. What a comfort to know that there is a person on this earth like her.
