Sweet Sounds

Well...we made it!  We are home now...and I couldn't be any happier.  I'm sitting here in my living room and all I hear is birds chirping and my husband snoring...two of the sweetest sounds. 

I'm totally enjoying the peace I feel at this moment.  There are no sounds of monitors beeping, nurses talking in the hallways, patients calling for help, food delivery carts clumsily making their way through the hospital...I could go on and on.  How is it that anyone actually heals in the hospital??  It's not like anyone gets any rest!  Every 20 minutes or so someone is coming in to take vitals, change a bandage, attend to the IV machine, etc.  By the end of our stay, I was ready to become a linebacker and just tackle anyone that walked through the door to disturb our rest.  LOL

But, even with all of the annoyances that come with staying in the hospital...I must say my gratitude outweighs any other emotion that I may have felt. 

My heart still goes out to those who have to remain at the hospital for any number of reasons that they are there in the first place.  The lady next door to us that came all the way out from Austin, Texas for her surgery and treatments...the older woman across the hall from us who didn't look so good when we left.  I pray that the Lord would just cover them with His love and comfort as they endure what it is that they are going through.  One of the doors in our unit was closed the entire time with a sign on it that said,"STOP! No entry except for doctors and nurses who absolutely must enter."  I don't even have a clue as to who was in that room...man or woman...but I pray that they are not alone in there.

I am just so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to be able to bring my honey home and in somewhat better shape (minus the cancer; plus staples) than when we went in.  I still can't believe that the Lord has given us this miracle of time.  I pray that we never take it for granted.

I want to say thank you to those of you who diligently read my blog and leave me comments of encouragement.  I want you all to know that I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness and I hope to begin leaving comments on your blogs again as well.  Life has just been a bit hectic and I haven't had much energy for much else but being there for my guy. 

Kelly - I still have Kimmie on my heart.  I think of her often, and wish that she could still be here so that I could share our victory.  She would've been so pleased to know that Jay has won this round of the battle.  But I am so happy that I have you to share my ups and downs with.  I think of you and pray for you often.  I gather much strength from you because you have gone through the toughest part of this disease and have remained a very strong and courageous person.

Betty - thank you for your words of love and encouragement.  You are always faithful to lift me up.

Krissy - thank you for sharing your words of encouragement to stay in the battle and be strong in my faith in the Lord to deliver my husband of this disease as he has done for your husband TWICE!  God is amazing...this I know.

AJ - thank you for always being right there with some loving words that lift my spirits up. 

All of you, I have never met, but you have become part of my family.  I love and appreciate each one of you.

And to those friends and family who have stuck by me and Jay and prayed constantly and put us on a million different prayer chains...it is that faithfulness, I know, that has brought about this new season of our lives.  God is faithful to answer the prayers of those who are faithful to seek Him and His will. 

I am in awe of the love that has been shown to us by everyone...those that we know, and those that we don't.  It is proof to me that Jesus is alive and well and living in the hearts of those who believe because that is the kind of love that you cannot keep to yourself...it must be shared...poured out in immeasurable amounts.

God bless you all.

Jamie

Heading Home

Hello All,

Jay has been doing very well the past couple of days, so the hospital says it is time to go home.  Praise the Lord!  They actually wanted to send him home today, but Jay asked for an additional day just to be safe.  I'm glad he did because I would hate to get home and have something go wrong.  So, here we are at City of Hope for the last night.  We should be out of here in the morning.

Jay has been a good boy and has done his exercises and walked the halls and done all that he was told to do and our reward is to be able to go home.  I miss my bed...and I know that Jay does too.  The people here have been perfectly nice and done a great job of taking care of my guy, but I can't wait to get him home. 

In my celebration for the fact that we get to leave soon, I can't help but have a heavy heart for those that have to remain here because they are too sick to go home.  We have walked the halls and seen who is doing well and who is not.  My heart goes out to all of them.  The struggle that they are going through to get well, or at least to have some small measurement of normalcy is something that we have gone through, but we get a break for now...I pray the same for them.  If  I could just take all of their pain away, I would in a heartbeat.  Cancer is a disease that can rob someone of everything they have and I know that we all go through trials for a reason, but in my ideal world...no one would have to go through having to endure cancer.

For those of you who are praying for me and Jay...please take a moment to thank the Lord for our miracle, but also lift up the patients here at City of Hope, that they would receive the same blessing.  Anything is possible with God, so if we all help to carry the burden of the patients here, God will listen.  He is faithful to deliver.  Prayer changes situations...and collectively, we could pray this disease away.  Pray in faith.

Thank you to all who have prayed for us.  I cannot express to you enough how much I appreciate your open hearts.  God is listening...please continue to pray.

With Much Love,

Jamie

God Delivers

Well, the past 24 hours have been filled with lots of ups and only a few downs...Jay has been given a miracle...they seem to have gotten all of the cancer out of his abdomen.  Praise the Lord!  He has been in some pain, but nothing that a few different kinds of pain killers couldn't handle...he has been up and sitting in a chair and has taken a few steps in the room...he has done amazingly well...except right now he is having a fever spike...101.8...not really sure why that is, but we are all watching him closely.  He says that he doesn't feel bad, just HOT.  So, here I sit in the room with him...placing cold rags on his forehead and on the back of his neck.  Doctors don't seem too alarmed...it's fairly common to get a fever after such an invasive surgery...so it's not time to panic...just time to give it to the Lord and do my job...be by my man's side. 

So, a miracle has been given to us...nothing surprising because God is capable of absolutely anything...but I am overwhelmed that it appears that my honey gets a break from this disease.  The doctors have said that they were able to get it all...they are confident in that fact.  There is a part of me that still wonders if this is just for a season...but regardless...God is in control and it doesn't matter that we've heard it before, "We got it all..." I am celebrating this miracle in this moment...God is so good.

For those that are praying...please pray that Jay is not developing anything serious and that the fever goes away and there are no setbacks.  But most importantly, in your prayers...thank Him for the miracle of time.

May the Lord receive all glory and praise!

Leaning on FAITH

It has been a few weeks since I have written...we've been on the roller coaster again...Jay has been experiencing a great deal of pain.  Possibly a hernia...or the tumors are doing something...we won't know - until tomorrow, that is.  Jay is scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning.  I don't know what time, but it's first thing in the morning.  On top of the pain that Jay has been feeling, a little over a week ago, Jay came down with the stomach flu.  Ahhh!  That was awful!  He got severely dehydrated and we ended up spending three out of the four days of him being sick in urgent care with him receiving IV fluids.  It was a rough few days...no sleep for either of us.  We were both just exhausted.  I don't know that I've actually recovered from that to tell you the truth.  I'm still exhausted.  But it could just be because of all of the preparation for what is about to happen tomorrow.  Tomorrow, our lives will change...no ifs, ands or buts about it...life will change.  It will either change because the doctors were able to eradicate the cancer from Jay's abdomen completely...or it will change because they couldn't.  Only time will tell.  I am trying to wrap my head around the whole thing, but it seems impossible to do.  What it comes down to is this...FAITH.  I have faith that God led us to City of Hope...in order to provide us with hope.  I have faith that no matter what the outcome, God is by our side, and not only that, he is carrying us.

The Lord gave me a scripture this morning and what a gift it is!  James 5:15 "And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up."

I will pray in faith that my honey will come through with little to no complications.  I will pray in faith that the Lord will reveal His plan to me tomorrow.  Healing may or may not come...it is my hope and desire for healing to come and I have faith that the Lord can deliver my husband of this illness...but I will pray for the Lord's will to be done because it is His will that I seek.  If His will is for my Jay to be healed; it will be so. 

I do not know when I will write again...I am going to be by my guy's side and keep him company.  If I feel up to it...I will write again soon.  For those of you who are praying for us...please pray for the Lord's will to be done, for peace and comfort for us, and for healing for Jay.  We are in need of much prayer.

God Bless You.

Jamie

Making The Turn

Well...the last week or so has been a bit overwhelming.  Jay and I went to City of Hope to see the surgeon again...we weren't sure what was going to happen at that appointment.  We imagined the best scenarios and then the worst in order to prepare our hearts for what we were going to hear from him.  Were they going to say, "Sorry Mr. Hare, there isn't anything that we can do for you after all" or  was it going to be something more positive?  Well...it was a definite positive!  The doc told us that my Jay is a pretty healthy young man and that surgery is the best option to try and eradicate this disease that is in his body.  Yes, there is a potential that there could be further complications once they get in there...the cancer could have grown and attached itself to an organ such as the bladder and they may be forced to take a portion or all of it...which, by the way, my husband will not withstand removal of the full bladder...that would not be the best quality of his life...but, the doc says that the chances of this happening are about 5%...okay, the surgery would be worth it so far...other complications could be a lot of scar tissue blocking the area that they need to get into and they may not be able to get to where they are going...and one other thing that was identified is that they will be working in the area of the prostate so there is potential for damage there...scary, but still worth giving it a try. 

We have gone from having basically a zero percent chance of Jay surviving this disease overall to about a 70% chance that with this surgery he could be cured or at least in remission for a while.  70% people!!  That is huge!  Praise God!  So now Jay and I are having to take a look at our lives as they were a few weeks ago with no real hope to speak of and  now we can see that there is a chance that Jay's life could actually change and he may have several years left...like 50!  I may actually have the opportunity to grow old with my honey!  God is so amazing!  He is steady and consistent all the time so I shouldn't be surprised that we have been given this miracle of time...but still I am in awe that my God loves us so much that He would even consider giving us such a gift.  This is an amazing unconditional love that you do not get anywhere else but from the Lord. 

So "overwhelmed" is the feeling ofthe week...LOL...we have both been just reeling over changing gears to actually having to think about the possibility of Jay having to go back to work someday in the near future.  Jay, of course, is reluctant to believe that any of this is true...and he is fearful that when all is said and done that this surgery may not have been worth it...but I trust that the Lord is in control of this situation and whatever He has planned for us...I'm following along.  I have been swimming in the Lord's grace and mercy all week since the appointment and this is the first I have been able to write anything about it because I haven't been able to find the words to describe what we are going through. 

There is a great saying that has stuck with me since I heard it about 10 years ago and I don't remember who said it but it goes like this..."The bend in the road is not the end in the road unless you fail to make the turn." 

You could open a million theme parks with all of the "thrill rides" that He puts us on...all of the ups and downs, hairpin turns, and loop-the-loops...but what an amazing experience it is...this ride called life.  I will never regret following the One who makes it all possible. 

Who knows what will happen as a result of this surgery that is scheduled for April 23rd...but here is to "making the turn."  I am on the ride for sure!

Heavenly Father, thank You for the miracle of HOPE.  You make it all possible and I give all of the glory to YOU.  I love you with everything I have.  Watch over my Jay...Your will be done.  In Jesus name.  Amen.

When life gives you lemons...

 

MAKE LEMONADE!!!

We were given a bunch of fresh lemons the other day so we decided to go out and get a juicer...mmmmmmmmmmm....it was yummy!  But it was a wonderful metaphor for what we happen to be going through at the moment.  What seems to be meant for evil...God is turning into something good.  These are special moments with my honey. 

God bless!

 

A New Day

Hi Everybody,

 

It has been a few days since our appointment with the surgeon and Jay has had time to mull everything over and he has figured out that it will be worth it to endure another surgery if it gives him a shot at a longer life…and even possibly remission and/or cure.  He, of course, didn’t tell me this…I overheard him talking to someone on the phone and saying those words.

 

To me, it’s a no-brainer…a shot at a longer life when your life at 42 years old is being threatened…but I’m not the cancer patient.  I had told him the same day as our appointment that I would support whatever decision that he made.  I don’t want to push him into a surgery that may or may not work and if the worst case scenario happened, I don’t want the blame to come to me.  I want him to know that even if he decided to skip the surgery and just seek the best quality of life for whatever life he has left that I would spend every waking moment trying to make it the best life ever for him. 

 

Well, now that we know that the surgeon wants to do surgery…I thought I’d share what my thoughts were while I was sitting in the waiting room and then the examination room.  I just want others to know that even in the midst of a crises…you can rely on the Lord’s strength and power to get through it.

 

Journal Entry - 03/10/08…It’s a weird feeling sitting in a cancer hospital waiting room…looking around to try and determine which are the cancer patients and which are the caretaker/family members…you know, cancer doesn’t look like it did even five years ago…some patients don’t lose their hair or lose weight…it’s just not easy to tell anymore…if you look at my Jay, you wouldn’t know that he was a cancer patient…he just looks like a normal guy…thinning hair, but otherwise pretty normal…and foxy if you asked me…LOL.

 

It is a strange feeling knowing that a doctor is going to come into this examination room and determine my husband’s fate…but it’s a good feeling to know that God is looking out for us no matter what and it is He that truly determines our fate.

 

I am putting my trust in God for this day and this moment…and then moment-by-moment I will consciously make the choice to allow this to work for our good…I no longer want to try and guess what God has in store for us…I used to think of it as a sort of game to see if I could figure out God’s plan before He revealed it…well, doing that is a kind of sin because it means that I’m not sitting back and letting God be God…trying to figure out His next move is detrimental to my spirit because, first, I’m missing out on His blessings and His lessons if I’m trying to anticipate a move on His part, second, I am allowing the enemy to fill my mind with lies because I can never guess totally correctly what is on God’s mind and in His plan, and thirdly, I am allowing my joy in my circumstances be taken away because I’m too busy trying to be the prophet that I am NOT instead of being obedient to sit back and WAIT on the Lord.

 

If this doctor comes in today and says that surgery is not an option, I am to KNOW that it was not a part of the Lord’s plan for us…and not only know, but TRUST that God is in control.  His plan is better than any plan that I can dream up.

 

May the Lord receive the glory for what we are about to experience with this surgery and recovery…Lord, give me strength to be there for my husband and give my Jaybird Your peace that surpasses all understanding and wisdom to know that You are in control.

 

God bless you all.  Thank you for reading my blog.

 

Jamie