Monday, September 14, 2009

Time Is A Healer...

I'm praying that time really is a healer as I've been told by many people. Saturday, September 12th was two months since my honey went to heaven. It seems like a lot of time one minute and then the next it feels like it happened yesterday. I don't know how long this process takes...for some it's months and for others it is years. I have no idea which category I happen to fall under but all I can do is pray that with each passing moment the Lord is healing the big hole in my heart.

I keep myself busy enough to pass time, but I still feel the sense of loyalty to keep my husband's memory alive by thinking about him, talking about him, and just reminiscing about our years together. There is a part of me that says, "Just keep moving forward." Then there is the other part of me that says, "Do anything you can to remember him." I know that if Jay were able to communicate with me, he'd say, "Don't worry about me. I'm okay and I will see you again." He would never want me to sit around and grieve for him. But anyone that knows what the grief process is like; you understand that this is just what your body and mind have to go through.

The best thing about this process is that I can share Jay's journey of rediscovering and rededicating his life to the Lord. I can also say that the second best part of this process is that I don't have any regrets of how I cared for and loved my husband. I was his primary caretaker; partner; teammate; and I journeyed with him through his life with cancer and we always had an agreement to do whatever we could humanly do to try to beat that disease. The Lord led me to my church for employment and the provisions came one after the other from there and I was able to care for Jay with everything I had. That allowed me to be able to live without regret now in my grief. That is a God thing. Praise the Lord for His unending provision.

So I continue to pray for the Lord's guidance through this process...two months have passed and I miss my honey like crazy, but I know where he is at and I will continue to push forward; always keeping him in my heart and mind.

I don't suppose there is a "www." address that reaches heaven? *sigh*

Honey, I miss you. I pray that you are better than I imagine you to be at this moment. I know that the Lord is taking good care of you. He promised me that He would. I look forward to seeing you again someday, Baby. Until then, I walk this road knowing that you are supporting me and cheering for me from on High. I love you, my Precious Love.


a corgi said...

I think time is a healer, Jamie, I know it was in grieving my mom; the raw grief does fade over time but there is always an element of grief missing our loved one.

I am glad to hear that Jay did re-dedicate his life to Jesus; I know that was a concern for you and something I had prayed about; knowing that you will see him again and knowing you'll be spending eternity with him is I'm sure a comforting thought

you are in my prayers.......


staci said...

again.... no words at all.. you inspire me with your writing.. Thank you for loving my uncle and bring my family to GOD..

Arlene (AJ) said...

Jamie you'll do well dear, you and your hubby shared a special love for each other and it's hard when you lose your love. It takes time, but you'll one day find more peace in your heart. Keep striving for each day, allow yourself to laugh and share your wonderful times with Jay with your friends, family and those of us who loved you both via the blog site. Know we are all here for you dear. Bless you.