Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Reminders, Reminders, Reminders...

Everything is a reminder right now. Everything makes me think of Jay, but not exactly in a way I want to remember him. For instance, tomorrow is the four month anniversary of Jay's passing. The 12th of every single month is an anniversary for me. I am trying to think of it as "the day my husband went to heaven" and not just the day I watched my husband take his last breath here. It's difficult to change my thinking sometimes though because I miss him so much.

I gauge time by the date of his death too. It's the strangest thing. The mere mention of a date and I immediately think of whether that date was before or after Jay dying. And even before that, I used to think about things as before or after his cancer diagnosis. B.C. didn't only stand for "Before Christ" for me, it was "Before Cancer." Now it's "Before Death" or "After Death."

I'm sure someday all of that will change, but for now...it is a momentarily, hourly, daily, weekly, monthly reminder to me of just how much I miss him.

2 comments:

Arlene (AJ) said...

What you are going through is normal dear, you two loved each other so much, his passing has to be so hard, missing him is because of loving him so much. Just take it ione day at a time and allow yourself to grive him. Bless you dear.

That corgi :) said...

(((Jamie))) I understand this. The first year my mom died I had lots of date reminders like this. it gets a bit better the second year (like such a thing could be better, but you know what I mean)

I'm praying for you, especially with the holidays coming upo

betty