Friday, October 16, 2009

Timing Is Everything...

As I journey from grief to healing and everything in between, I find myself getting in the Lord's way all the time. It is a constant surrender to the Lord's plan for my life and a constant stepping back in alignment with His will for me.

There are so many things happening that as I try to wrap my head around it; I begin to take steps that are out of His timing and further away from His plan. I won't be staying in my house very much longer, but I don't need to move out until around the first of the year...but I find myself apartment/condo hunting "just to see what's out there"...but the Lord keeps pulling me back to where I am at.

There are things that need to be done at my house now that will prepare me for the first of the year when it is really time to consider moving. I still need to go through the house and make sure to give the things that Jay wanted to go to certain people to those people. I need to decide what I will be keeping/selling/giving away so I can downsize to an apartment or condo without exploding at the seams from the time I move in. I need to go through the emotions of boxing up our stock of old photos, and folding up his clothes and storing them. I'm not ready to get rid of his clothes yet.

There are good and bad emotions that need to be dealt with in this home, so that I can heal from them and continue to move forward in my new life. In order for me to heal correctly and be a whole person when I reach the other side of this trial, I must allow myself to feel the pain and emotion. I will only be able to gauge my progression of healing by basing it on the pain and whether it is decreasing. Either way, I have to feel it to tell how I am doing.

So this weekend is the beginning of allowing the true pain to come in so I can receive the Lord's healing as I confront all of the emotions that come with it. Praise the Lord for His healing, His time, His plan, His will for my life!


staci said...

Jamie, I know you have alot of support and good friends surrounding you but if you need any help please let me know !! I would love to do this for you and help in any way I can >> love you

a corgi said...

this is such a realistic post, Jamie; you definitely know you need to wait on the Lord for his timing and you know how painful and sad it is going to be going through Jay's clothes, your household, etc but you also realize God will be right there with you. you are a testimony to going through suffering and pain and giving glory to the Lord and praising him....truly an inspiration for us all

hugs to you and I ditto what Staci said; if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know; it is just a hop and a skip from where I am to where you are


Jamie said...

Thank you, Staci and Betty. I appreciate that you leave me encouraging comments and help me to cope with my situation.

Blessings to you both.