Tuesday, October 6, 2009

New Seasons...

Well, the weather is FINALLY starting to cool down here in California. I'm sure in other parts of the country people would think I'm crazy to think that 68 degrees is cold, but when you're used to 80-100 degree weather...it's not just cold - it's STINKIN' cold! LOL

All that to say, the season is changing; not just in temperature either. The season of my life is changing too. I'm starting to become used to living alone and pressing on in my life without my husband. That's not to say that I don't miss him...on the contrary...I miss him tremendously. But my tendency to think about him every minute of the day is beginning to taper off and I have pockets of time during the day when I can concentrate on something other than missing my sweet husband.

When I first realized that I had some periods of time when I didn't think about him being gone; I got scared. I thought that I was a terrible person because it has only been a few months since he passed away and I should still be constantly thinking about him and missing him. But then I realized that this was the Lord's healing upon my heart that I have been praying for. Am I completely healed? NO WAY! But, honestly, I believe that I can feel the Lord gently sewing together the seam to my torn heart.

My pastor, Greg Laurie, said this past Sunday in his series on "Why Does God Allow Suffering?," "Your loved one isn't "gone." They are only "gone for now." It's just a reminder to me that I will be reunited with Jay one day. I will just have to be patient and live my life as the Lord wants me to until that day comes. The idea of being reunited with Jay in heaven isn't anything new to me, but hearing my pastor say it that way just helped it to sink down into my heart and house itself as a promise from the Lord in the walls of my healing heart.

This new season of my life is still very sad, but as I hold onto what the Lord promises me, I am able to slowly begin to LIVE again.

Thank You, Abba Father, for Your faithfulness to begin healing my heart. I hold onto You and Your promises for my life. Thank You that You have a plan for my life as Your word tells me in Jeremiah 29:11. I desire to begin living my life, not just as a widow, but as Your disciple. Thank You for placing dreams and visions in my heart again. Help me to walk in Your ways, Lord. I love You. Amen.


Becky said...

Thank you for sharing your heart Jamie...you are really a gifted writer. I am praying for you always Jamie....May God bless and keep you always....

a corgi said...

I'm thanking the Lord that he is healing your heart, Jamie. I know you will always miss Jay, but I know it is also comforting to know you will get to spend eternity with him.

I'm reading the book of Job right now; it is truly an awesome book about suffering plus dealing with it and knowing what to say to those who are suffering (or in Job's friends cases what not to say)

take care of yourself Jamie!

and you are right, 68 degrees is COLD!!